Cover Image - Neurodivergent Parenting, With Bea Moise | Spectrumly Speaking Ep. 125

Neurodivergent Parenting, with Bea Moise | Spectrumly Speaking ep. 125

Spectrumly Speaking is also available on: Apple Podcasts | Stitcher | SoundCloud

 

IN THIS EPISODE:

(37 minutes) In this episode, hosts Haley Moss and Dr. Lori Butts speak with Bea Moise. Bea is a Board-Certified Cognitive Specialist, Parenting Coach, Writer, and National Speaker. She is a respected and trusted parenting coach and consultant helping individuals who are neurodiverse. She has written for Autism Parenting Magazine, Charlotte Parent Magazine, PBS-Kids, PsychBytes, PsychCentral, Scoop Charlotte, The EveryMom. Bea is also a contributing author to “Life After Lockdown” and  “Southeast Psych’s Guide for Imperfect Parents: A Book Written by Imperfect Therapists”. She holds a Master of Science in Mental Health Counseling. She is also an ADHD and dyslexia self-advocate and an autism parent.

For more about Bea:

www.achild-likemine.com

www.instagram.com/achildlikemine  


Spectrumly Speaking is the podcast dedicated to women on the autism spectrum, produced by Different Brains®. Every other week, join our hosts Haley Moss (an autism self-advocate, attorney, artist, and author) and Dr. Lori Butts (a licensed clinical and forensic psychologist, and licensed attorney) as they discuss topics and news stories, share personal stories, and interview some of the most fascinating voices from the autism community.

For more about Haley, check out her website: haleymoss.net And look for her on Twitter: twitter.com/haleymossart For more about Dr. Butts, check out her website: cfiexperts.com

Have a question or story for us? E-mail us at SpectrumlySpeaking@gmail.com

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EPISODE TRANSCRIPTION:  

 

HALEY MOSS (HM): 

Hello, and welcome to Spectrumly Speaking. I’m Haley Moss, an author, artist, attorney. And by the way, I’m also autistic. As usual, I have a very wonderful co host that I’m always excited to share the stage here with, and I’m excited to have her introduce herself…

 

DR LORI BUTTS (LB): 

Hi, I’m Dr. Lori Butts. I’m a psychologist and an attorney.

 

HM: 

I told you, I’ve been trying to get creative on introducing you every single week.

 

LB: 

I think each week you have done something different. I’m very impressed.

 

HM: 

Trying and I think this is the one I couldn’t get you to giggle. So I consider that a win. Ah, very go. Halfway through.

 

LB: 

Yeah, this was a more serious, more serious intro.

 

HM: 

I like I just tried to have a little bit of fun, give us some flavor around here,

 

LB: 

you’re, you’re good, you’re good with the creativity, I do not have a creative bone in my body. So I appreciate it very much.

 

HM: 

Everybody has creativity, it’s just creativity is something we invent. You know, like, we all have something in us, it’s just we don’t always get the chance to express ourselves, or we don’t think we can or we’re scared to mess up at being creative. Just because you can’t draw or paint the Mona Lisa doesn’t mean that you are ungraded because your ability limits you to a stick figure.

 

LB: 

I’ll keep that in mind.

 

HM: 

But humans are naturally creative and playful. And you know, if we were left to our own devices and didn’t invent stuff, we’d probably just be playing in the ocean drawing pictures with sticks and eating berries all day.

 

LB: 

That’s an interesting– I could see that now.

 

HM: 

But how are you doing?

 

LB: 

Good. How are you?

 

HM: 

Tired. Um, I think before the show got started, I was talking about how I had to travel. And every time we say we talk about traveling, we say we’re going to do a show about exactly how stressful it is. But I had next level versions of stress on my last trip because of cancellations and delays and all sorts of stuff and nothing quite like the airlines waking you up in the middle of the night to let you know your flights been canceled.

 

LB: 

It’s better than getting to the airport and finding out it’s canceled though I have to say.

 

HM: 

And I also realized how if they delay past a certain point, you can argue with them to give you stuff.

 

LB: 

Yeah, there’s a lot of negotiations that you in self advocacy that you’ve got to do.

 

HM: 

Yeah, I think it’s hard to get past the two or three hour mark, you’re allowed to just kind of tell them like you’re entitled to certain stuff or if it makes it that your flight leaves the next day or overnight. You could probably get them to give you a hotel. Stop. It’s tough. It’s just tough stuff when I say tough stuff today.

 

LB: 

It is it is tough stuff it is traveling in the winter time seems to be kind of difficult.

 

HM: 

At least we don’t get snow here in Florida. That’s true. Everywhere else gets snow and then it impacts your plants.

 

LB: 

Yeah, all kinds right? Exactly. I guess we get we get hurricanes or hurricanes definitely. Give travel headaches in the summertime. So I guess we give it back.

 

HM: 

Yeah. But today we have a guest Are you excited? I’m very excited. Awesome. So today we are welcoming Bea Moise. And Bea is a board certified cognitive specialist, parenting coach, writer, and national speaker. She is a respected and trusted parenting coach and consultant helping individuals who are neurodiverse be has written for autism parenting magazine, Charlotte parent magazine, PBS Kids, Psych bites, Psychcentral scoop Charlotte, the every mom. She’s also a contributing author to life after lockdown and se Sykes guide for imperfect parents, a book written by imperfect therapists. Bea holds a Master of Science in mental health counseling. Bea and her husband have two children, Jacob who is awesomely autistic. And Abby, who is simply marvelous. Welcome to the show!

 

BAE MOISE (BM): 

Hi, thank you for having me.

 

HM: 

Thank you for joining us. And I’m so excited to get to know you and getting to read and learn about Jacob and Abby was also extremely cool. Just even reading through this and sharing it with everyone about you and your family. So with all that in mind, can you walk us through this a little bit and tell us how you became involved in the neurodivergent community? Yeah,

 

BM: 

um, well, it started with I guess just I’ve always been fascinated with advocacy for people who I felt like didn’t have a voice and I wanted them to have a voice so I went to grad school with you know the intentions of Do I find a career in life where I give individuals who do not have a voice to be heard, and I just fell in love with mental health. Because I was like, okay, I can now help people who may not know how to help themselves or you know, I guess help them find a path or whatever. So really, it started with that me going to grad school for this. I also while I was in grad school, also, I was in South Florida. In grad school, I used to work for an Autism Center. And I was like, oh, man, I really like working with this population. I really, really love these kids. They just learn differently. And this was eons ago. So it was just one of those things where I liked what I was doing. And I wanted to do it long term. Fast forward. I don’t know how many years, I happen to get a kid on the autism spectrum. So I have a child. And to me, it was full circle, because I kind of always knew that I I’m not, you know, neurotypical, so I knew that my children would be quirky. I didn’t know how quirky they would be. So really, finding having my son can be on the spectrum, and learning so much about how he learns and the way that he takes in information. I just really wanted to share this knowledge with anyone with a neurodiverse child and anyone with a uniquely wired kid. So that’s really, he’s been my muse. But before that, I wanted to help this population anyway. But he’s just been the motivation to keep going. Because like all the things that we do together and how he learns and how he is in the home environment, I like sharing that with other parents so that they can also learn to really accept and love the child that they have, and not want them to be something that they’re not or change them or anything like that.

 

LB: 

Can you tell us a little bit more about your son and his diagnosis?

 

BM: 

Yeah, so my Jake, Jake, is 11. He’s a level two spectrum. And basically, he was diagnosed around. He was three years old when he was officially diagnosed. But my husband and I definitely knew something was different about him. Because around 15 month old, he was reading and speaking Mandarin. And we thought, well, this is different. You know, this is something that we’ve never seen before. And we were like, Okay, this is I guess, we have a child genius in our hand. And really, as he started to progress more and more around that time, I added that I was pregnant with my second child, and then I saw a regression, and all of the skills that he previously learned, or knew, so then I was like, Oh, I know what this is. But it wasn’t a Oh, like, my life is doomed. It was a oh, how do I get intervention? How do I make sure we’re giving him everything that he needs? How do I make sure we’re, you know, helping him the best that he can, the best that we can. And so around three, we started intervention, and we started all of these different speech therapy, ot which he love, love, love, love. Um, so really, around three, we discovered Jake was on the spectrum for real, like, we got those self we’ve got we got the diagnosis and the the neuro Psych Exam and all that good stuff. And really, now he’s 11. He is one of my favorite people on this planet. He is my favorite human. Um, and it’s just because he is just so him. I I’ve seen because during doing this work, I’ve worked with autistic kids for so many years. And I’ve seen how most of them are trained to not be autistic, you know, and they’re, like, changed to be something else. And they’re trained to mask and all these different things. And I was like, I did not want that to be my son’s story. So he is just, he is just awesomely artistically him. And I just love it because he’s just so pure and genuine. And I just, I don’t know, I just love who he is as a person, and I love all his personalities. And he’s just not afraid to be who he is. He’s, um, he’s verbal, but I like to say he’s verbal in a way of He only speaks when he needs something to say like if he has something to say he’ll say it, but he’s not going to engage in chit chat conversation with you, but he’s always present, which which people get confused if you say a child is not speaking. He’s not in his own world. He is very much here and he’s very present and he’s active. He’s very loud in his own way in our home, but he only speaks when there is something to be said. So if there’s nothing to say he has nothing to contribute To the conversation, but if he has a thing to say we know about it. So that’s some that’s my Jake.

 

HM: 

He sounds absolutely wonderful. And something that we’ve also learned about you is that you’re also neurodivergent. So with that, how do you think that your dyslexia and ADHD have also informed your work?

 

BM: 

It helps me understand what my client, you know, child or population, what they’re experiencing and what they’re going through. Because I spent a great deal of my life not understanding why I was different. And just being confused with, well, why don’t the rest of the world see, you know, things the way that I do or can imagine things the way that I did. And it just made me feel like I didn’t belong, I didn’t have a sense of where I fit in. Because I didn’t fit into any, I didn’t fit in with anyone I was quirky I was on I was different. Even till this day, you know, I’m, I’m 39 year old who will sit here and watch Marvel movies all day long. Like, it’s like, it just came out of the theater. And I will binge watch it, because I’ll get hyper focus on it. I just I do certain things, and I am free spirited, I do a lot of different things that growing up, I couldn’t find my tribe. So for me, now I get to help other kids find their tribe. So I become their advocate, because I fully understand what they’re experiencing how they feel, even within their own home. Because sometimes we think acceptance is you know, your peers and your friends and your co workers or whomever. But sometimes it’s your parents, and sometimes it’s your sibling, and sometimes it’s a cousin or uncle or brother or whatever. So really, I help them find acceptance within their home by advocating for who they are. And just really teaching parents, this is who your child is, they’re not broken, you just have to learn to accept them as they are. And that’s how being neurodivergent helps me understand my partner, the clients that I work with, so that I can educate the parents better.

 

LB: 

And so what are those challenges that parents have in understanding the needs of their neurodivergent kids?

 

BM: 

The challenges really are, sometimes they just want it, they want to fix it, or they want it to be different. Honestly, the biggest challenge I’ve seen over and over and over again, is acceptance. Parents do not want to accept what they have in the child that they have. And they’re too busy wanting something different. And I think, you know, when you become a parent, and you have this baby, and I think we all have this, you know, as a parent, when you have this baby, you suddenly start to see your life and your future in all the possibilities. So then you start to try and relive all those experiences if you didn’t get them, but that child is them. So when you as a parent are not accepting of your child is not going to be the athlete, if you are a warrant, or whatever it may be. And your child is not going to be this outspoken and your child’s not going to be this socially savvy or whatever it may be. But I the biggest challenge is acceptance, like parents have a hard time accepting the child that they have, because they’re too busy trying to imagine the child that they want and that child is just, it’s not he or she’s not here, they’re not here.

 

HM: 

That makes a lot of sense. And I think you actually answered a lot of what my next questions were, were to about that acceptance. And I was gonna ask what you what the challenges that parents have, and understanding the needs of their offspring are but I think acceptance is one of those. And what other challenges do you often see with parents that in understanding their kids needs?

 

BM: 

I think the other the other challenge besides acceptance would definitely be behavior challenge, because, you know, we look at behavior and we automatically say it’s bad, whatever it may be is like this behavior is bad. Stemming is bad. Jumping is bad. Talking too much is bad. being loud is bad. Hitting that is obviously bad. But we just look at behavior and think, you know, they’re all bad, but for me behaviors, communication. So for me, whenever a parent is like, my child is doing this, how do I change this behavior? curb this behavior, redirect this behavior or get rid of this behavior? I go into, why are they doing it? What are what is it that they’re trying to communicate? Like, what is the thing that happened before the behavior occurred? And it’s not just necessarily the thing that happened five minutes before? What is the thing that happened a week before that this child is processing it And now this is the final thing. And now they’re, you know, exhibiting this particular behavior. So, behaviors, communication, it’s always a form of communication, whether you want to hear it or not. And really not judging the behavior with the child like sometimes it’s a sensory overload, like sensory overload causes children to misbehave, because they just can’t get it together internally. So really behavior would be the thing that all parents want to know, how do I make this behavior go away? And my answer is, well, what is the style trying to communicate? And let’s hear what they’re saying. And then the behavior will more likely go away? Once we hear what they’re communicating.

 

LB: 

That makes a lot of sense in terms of communication. And in terms of understanding. You also talk a lot about imperfection. Yeah. Okay. Can you tell us about your concept of imperfection.

 

BM: 

I think, to me, what makes this world so beautiful is the fact that it’s imperfect, and that we’re all that way. And just accepting people and individuals for where they’re at and who they are. And not necessarily trying to get to a state of perfectionism or getting to a state of, you know, what things should look like, or the idea that we have in our head. I mean, I think I am a 100% type A personality. And I think that well, not I think I know it comes from a long term, stand up me masking and trying to overcompensate for when I when I don’t feel like doing anything, because I just don’t like I have no motivation to do anything. So I like things to look a particular way. So my, weirdly, my son is also that way. Like he loves things to look this way, and perfect and straight and narrow, and all these different things for my daughter, she is also ADHD, and she is so opposite of how I am in terms of our ADHD. She is creative, she is messy. She likes things to be colorful, she is bright. She’s just, she’s just a gorgeous flower of uniqueness. And sometimes that uniqueness looks disorderly and it looks imperfect. And I’ve She’s been like, the biggest challenge for me and parenting with this is so different from me. But it’s beautiful. So you know, it’s imperfect in my eyes, because this is not how I would conduct my life. But it’s perfectly her and it’s perfect for her. So just, you know, accepting children and individuals for the traits that are different from you. But knowing that, you know, there’s no such thing as perfection. So the imperfect is what makes it perfect. If that makes any sense.

 

LB: 

Makes a lot of sense. Absolutely  makes great sense.

 

HM: 

I think that makes a lot of sense, too. And just before I move on, how did what you’re saying really is resonating with me, and I’m sure it’ll resonate with others? How can we learn more about you and follow all the work that you’re doing? Well, I

 

BM: 

Well I have, um, I have a website that you can go to which you know, beamoiseauthor.com And that’s my website where I put a lot of information up. I have a YouTube channel called unique parenting and I, I guess, in my YouTube channel, I’m trying to help individuals just accept who people are and who kids are not focused on changing them. But really understanding what behaviors are what and what they do. I’m also on IG Instagram at a childlike mind. So if you go to my website, beatricemoise.com or beamoiseauthor.com, it will redirect you to my IG my Facebook, which I post a lot of information, and just trying to help people know how to, you know, welcome people in the neurodivergent world without changing them. I

 

HM: 

Absolutely love that. And you are fantastic. We’d love to have a segment on neurodivergent parents balancing their needs along with their neurodivergent kids is this is something that I think a lot about, I am not a parent full disclosure. So I’m probably not the best person to really lead this off. But I do think it’s really interesting when we have neurodivergent parents and like you were saying with how your ADHD is different from your daughter’s ADHD, and how do we have that balance? And how do we kind of almost rediscover ourselves in a way so I know from my autistic friends and previous partners even is I felt like I was learning about my condition all over again because they presented so differently and had different struggles than me. So I find this really fascinating. We’d love to kickstart this discussion somehow.

 

BM: 

Oh, I’d love that. That sounds fantastic.

 

HM: 

Do you have any feelings to Dr. Butts?

 

LB: 

Well, you guys are the experts on this.

 

HM: 

I’m not a parent! (laughs)

 

LB: 

I’m not either. (laughs)

 

HM: 

Actually, now that I think about it, I am I do have a neurodivergent parent. So I might have some feelings about what it’s like being the child of a neurotypical. Exactly,

 

LB: 

Exactly. Mm hmm.

 

HM: 

But I do have one neurodivergent parent that I know of, that doesn’t mean that and I don’t know for sure if both are but it out. So I’ve, I can think of what I’ve learned as a child, a neurodivergent, child of a neurodivergent parent.

 

LB: 

Go ahead, that’s important too,

 

HM: 

is that it’s, I think it’s also different when your parents, parents don’t have the same access to resources, or had the same access growing up as you did. So one of my parents was diagnosed with and identified as having a learning disability when they were in high school. With that, that this parent of mine didn’t know that something was different about them, or why they were different until much later. And I also do suspect that parent might have other nerdy versions as well. They struggle with things really seems to be struggling with time in particular, and I realized that it made me feel insecure, and they were always kind of nervous that I judge them for some reason, even though like I would also kind of how we need to regulate our attention is very different. So my nerd virgin parents struggle more with things, parents struggles, more things like going from task to task is their mind is always kind of bouncing around from one thing to the next. I’m like, we’re not even done with this other thing you told me to focus on. What do you mean, I’m very confused. And somehow five, I can’t regulate my time very well. And, and then No, it’ll be like five more minutes. And I’ll be like, that was not five minutes. That was seconds. And I think we’re all just very impatient people. So that doesn’t help either. But I do think that having neurodivergent parents means I grew up with that culture of acceptance that a lot of children I think didn’t, because I think my parents understood that they might not understand why certain things were, but I think they absolutely understood what it is like to be different. And to come from that place of acceptance to even build my self esteem and confidence. So I personally can’t imagine having 100% neurotypical parents,

 

BM: 

Oh, I, I agree with you, 100%. And I think we call ourselves very, you know, a typical household because everyone is interesting, all of us are different. And it’s funny, because sometimes some of our symptoms overlap with our personalities. Because, you know, my husband and my son are timely creatures, they like to be on time. Being late is a problem. And, you know, I live on late, like, I feel like if I’m not 20 minutes late, I’m not on time. So then, but that’s because I’ll start a task that there is no way I can possibly finish this task in the timeframe that I have. But I’ll start it anyway. And you know, my husband’s, like, you won’t you do not have time to finish this? And I’m like, no, no, no, no, no, it’s just gonna be like five minutes. And I’m literally starting shepherd’s pie or something crazy, that, you know, can’t do what I wanted to do. So I’ve seen a lot of grace with me giving to my kids, my kids given to me just the level of understanding that some symptoms I have, they don’t some symptoms they have, I don’t but then just this acceptance of you know what, you can’t change this. And I think now as an adult in recognizing, I’ve been this way my whole life. And I it didn’t change now I’ve learned to mask and cope and learn a lot of skills to help me manage, but I’ve just been this way. So I think I just see my kids and I’m like, This is who you are. Let’s just give you coping skills and you know, things that will work for you.

Because what I would like for you is not going to be the thing that works for you. My son loves organization. So for him, he and I we speak very similar language in terms of how we need to function in the world. My husband and daughter loves chaos. So for them every time we organize, it’s not organization for them. It’s like I don’t want this Take this away. I don’t need it. I can’t this is not the thing that I like. So the acceptance piece of just accepting people for who they are and their quirks. It’s not that it’s not annoying at times because again, I’m like super organized, but it is this is who you are and and I’m okay with it. And I think just being in my kids love that I am a fun mom like I am the one Yes, we’re watching all things, comic books and superheroes together and I’m fully engaged in it. You know, my daughter, right now she’s reading Harry Potter, and she’s on book five, I think. And I’m just as invested in it as she is. So there’s a lot of, you know, oh, you’re not really an adult, you know, like, there’s certain parts of you that is childlike, and that my kids enjoy. Because I’m literally sitting there playing with Legos with them. I’m doing all the things that I’m like, I wish someone would have done this with me. But my mom was neuro typical. So I think it was just, she had a hard time understanding me. Where, for me, I completely understand my kids. So it’s just it makes life easier. I guess I at least, it looks that way. I don’t know.

 

LB: 

And it feels that way. So that’s, that’s the exciting part about about it is that from a neurotypical standpoint, you know, I think, Oh, my goodness, how challenging it would be. And you just described how beautiful it is. So it’s, and how, how fun and exciting and wonderful it can be in acceptance. So that’s pretty, pretty outstanding.

 

HM: 

I think it makes life interesting. Yes.

 

LB: 

And not as interesting, but I mean, all kids want acceptance. And if you get that acceptance at home, what what a beautiful place, you know, that fostering confidence and, and all those other wonderful things that you’re doing with your kids. It’s just fight magnificent.

 

BM: 

I think ultimately, I just want to give them what I didn’t have. I mean, my mom was loving and is loving, and she gave a lot, but definitely, my courts, she just could not get like she just didn’t understand what this was. And what was it you know about it that made me act this way. And I remember when I was really little or younger, she used to say you’re not a boy. You know, she was just say like, you’re not a boy, you’d like too many boy things and you’re not a boy. And I knew I wasn’t a boy, I didn’t feel like I was a boy. I’m like, I don’t think I’m a boy. But I just I just liked these things. And I think I attributed a lot of it to I had an older brother. And I liked everything he liked. So I’m like, I just looked up to my brother. So I just, I like what he likes. And I didn’t really identify with the things that my sister like, because I wasn’t into anything. I hated the color pink, like anything girl related. I was like, I don’t want it. Um, so I was just more like, okay, maybe I’m just marrying him because I’m closer to him. But in reality, it was just my interest. Really, it was just things that I liked. And weirdly, I credit him for a lot of just, you know, we used to read comic books together and just be lost for hours. And you know, because we didn’t have these movies like all these comic book movies are coming out and came out when I was in college. And I’m like, Where were you when I was a kid like this would have been like a playground for me. So feeling misunderstood by my mom with, you know, being told that I can’t behave this way. Because it’s boy like behavior. And not, you know, repeating that same script or story to my children. And I’m like you like what you like, if you like stereotypical boy stuff, which I don’t believe anyway, but if that’s what you like, that you like, what you like. So giving them the freedom to just be, honestly just to, to authentically be and not worry about, I guess it’s, you know, someone else telling you how you should behave. Because I just, I don’t know, that’s just that’s not my vibe. And I definitely didn’t want it to be the vibe that my children were getting from our household.

 

HM: 

I like that, especially because I felt like there was this, I had a little bit of pressure to mask and I did like what I liked, but also it was like, but also try to know about this thing that other people like, because I think there was this fear of that you would be ostracized or bullied. And I think if your parent has experienced that, they don’t want that for you either. Even right can be hard to have to adapt.

 

BM: 

Right. And yeah, and I think there’s a lot of really talented Yeah, yeah, there was a lot of protection in your right like it was definitely, if you do this, you’re gonna get picked on and bullied and all these things, but I’m like, part of being neurodivergent the way that I was. I was naive to bullying anyway, like, I didn’t realize if you didn’t like me, I didn’t think you didn’t like me because I was different. I just thought you didn’t like me and I moved on. Um, so just there was a naiveness of the way I operated through life that I’m so grateful for and I’m so happy that I had it because I can look back now and think, oh, man, they really didn’t like me, but I had no idea. So I didn’t I didn’t feel it. I’d experienced it. I just thought that’s just them. Let me move on. So I definitely can understand the protection that came with that. But I’m, I’m big now on my kids accepting that people may not like you just because in that’s okay. And that’s okay. Like no, they do not have to, um, but you shouldn’t have to change who you are to fit their narrative. Because guess what their narrative is going to change in two three days anyway, while yours will be consistent, you know, I’m like, you will like Legos from this moment until you die, where they may not and they may change their mind in two or three days. So just, you know, you’re going to be more consistent and they’re going to be so just accept the fact that this is who you are in, and you know, fully thrive in that.

 

HM: 

And you can’t make everyone happy. Nope. We’re not pizza. And even pizza doesn’t make everyone happy. So there’s like pizza as much as I do. So. You can’t even pizza can’t make everyone happy. So what makes you think that you can have that same expectation that we apparently placed on pizza?

 

BM: 

Right? What about donuts? Maybe, maybe donuts make everyone happy?

 

HM: 

Beginning to think about all of our gluten free and dietary restriction friends you probably feel very excluded by this. But yes, I think you can’t make everyone happy is something that we all know. And we begin to learn. I think it’s actually being taught that is really powerful. Like if someone’s like, don’t sweat it you won’t make everyone happy. Just go like you do you if it was said to me just like that. I probably would have been so happy. I still would be happy here.

 

HM: 

Can I tell you Haley like my daughter is the epitome of you do you and it is just the most refreshing thing I’ve ever seen. Because so I am loud. She is sound avoidant like so she she doesn’t like loud sounds and I’m very loud. And so when we’re in the car ride in the car, and we’re driving and I’m like singing at the top of my lungs, and she’s like, covering her ears because she can’t stand it. And my son and I were both very loud. And in shoes. I’m like, Abby, why don’t you join and she was like, Mom, I am me. You are you. You like noise I do not you like you make a lot of noise. I make little noise you do you and I’ll do me I’m just gonna sit here and see is nine by the way.

 

HM: 

Absolute icon

 

BM: 

She’s so amazing that steak like my husband like every time she say something he is like this girl is walking around giving zero that she just doesn’t care like she’s just like I am me you are you you do you all do me like that is her Absalon truck.

 

HM: 

She’s an absolute queen. And I want to be half as cool as that in my life.

 

BM: 

I wish I was half as cool as Abby is at night. Like I really I she she just she loves herself. And she’s just fully accepting of all her quirks. And she’s like, everyone has their own personality. And I have mine and I like it.

 

LB: 

For her. That’s amazing. I love it.

 

BM: 

She’s pretty fantastic.

 

HM: 

I think she sounds pretty fantastic too. Is there anything else that we have as our wisdom and things to think through because this makes me extremely excited?

 

BM: 

Oh, man, I think the if you’re a parent listening to this, please accept your child whether out for who they are, for how they are for what they are in. However they identify however they label themselves just, you know that acceptance piece is so important and it’s so crucial to development for Child Development like you. If a child is battling with acceptance from their parents, they’re not going to meet a lot of other milestones that may be necessary for them to grow as a person as a being. So I think just as a parent, accept them for who they are. And if you’re a child listening to this or you know someone who wanted to be accepted for who you are, just know that there are you know, a whole community out there think that you’re pretty awesome. And that you’re pretty great. You just have to find your tribe and find your people and that there is nothing wrong with you. There is nothing broken about you and that you are just authentically you and that I think you’re awesome even though I don’t know you but I already know you’re awesome because I know your brain. I’m in that it It Gets Better It changed with time and also acceptance from yourself like you also have to accept who you are and not try to be something for anyone else.

 

HM: 

I love that it’s powerful. And I think that is a great note for us to end our discussion on. Thank you to be for everything. Be sure to check out her website and social media. She is beamoiseauthor.com. Please apologize. I get that wrong. Sorry, my brain is just having a moment today. And something else for us. If you want to check out the rest of us, be sure to visit differentbrains.org and check out their Twitter and Instagram @DiffBrains. And don’t forget to look for them on Facebook. If you’re looking for me, you can find me at Haleymoss.com or all major social media. I’m really excited to get to connect with you and keep this conversation moving.

 

LB: 

You can find me at CFIexperts.com please be sure to rate us on iTunes and don’t hesitate to send questions to spectrumlyspeaking@gmail.com. Let’s keep the conversation going.

 

Spectrumly Speaking is the podcast dedicated to women on the autism spectrum, produced by Different Brains®. Every other week, join our hosts Haley Moss (an autism self-advocate, attorney, artist, and author) and Dr. Lori Butts (a licensed clinical and forensic psychologist, and licensed attorney) as they discuss topics and news stories, share personal stories, and interview some of the most fascinating voices from the autism community.