Navigating Priorities | Spectrumly Speaking ep. 145

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IN THIS EPISODE:

In this episode, hosts Haley Moss and Dr. Lori Butts catch up on their activities during hiatus and discuss prioritizing needs during busy times.  

 

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Spectrumly Speaking is the podcast dedicated to women on the autism spectrum, produced by Different Brains®. Every other week, join our hosts Haley Moss (an autism self-advocate, attorney, artist, and author) and Dr. Lori Butts (a licensed clinical and forensic psychologist, and licensed attorney) as they discuss topics and news stories, share personal stories, and interview some of the most fascinating voices from the autism community.

For more about Haley, check out her website: haleymoss.net And look for her on Twitter: twitter.com/haleymossart For more about Dr. Butts, check out her website: cfiexperts.com

Have a question or story for us? E-mail us at SpectrumlySpeaking@gmail.com

CLICK HERE FOR PREVIOUS EPISODES

 

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EPISODE TRANSCRIPTION:    

 

HALEY MOSS (HM): 

Hello, and welcome to Spectrumly Speaking. I’m Hayley Moss, an author, artist, attorney, and I’m also autistic. Welcome back to the Spectrumly stage where I am joined, as usual by my one and only co host. Take it away…

 

DR LORI BUTTS (LB): 

Hi, I’m Lori Butts. I’m a psychologist and an attorney.

 

HM: 

It’s been a while.

 

LB: 

Yes, it has. How are you doing?

 

HM: 

Honestly, not gonna lie. I’m tired. And it’s not just like an I haven’t slept enough tired, but like, full body tired.

 

LB: 

Wow. Sowe need a — let’s just do a meditation podcast.

 

HM: 

I always appreciate those moments of Zen that we have around here. So I can appreciate that.

 

LB: 

Yeah, I think it’s a good idea.

 

HM: 

Just take a deep breath.

 

LB: 

Nice.

 

HM: 

Well, we have been on hiatus. And we were planning on taking this time to catch up with each other and also just life listeners. Being busy having these moments meditation, whatever, we feel like we’re gonna toss the kitchen sink at it, you know? We do not have a guest. So, like, people that are here, are you and me,

 

LB: 

Me and you and tired and distracted me and you.

 

HM: 

I mean, are those not our best versions of ourselves? It’s our true selves. And I think that’s something that we do very well here is we’re willing to be honest about what’s going on in our worlds. We’re not like, everything is sunshine and roses. Fantastic when you’re just like, I want to cry inside. Right? Right. I also just tired of having to advocate for myself on things that I don’t feel like should require that much advocacy. Which is another version of tired. And that can be anything from you know, having to get accommodations if you’re another autistic or disabled person, because we are an autism podcast, but something I’m tired of advocating for is having to like, get my building management to send pest control. Like, you know, so I’ve had this like, mild amp problem for several months. And the building is like, Oh, well, you should get your own person. Like, it’s coming from the outside, which means it’s the building’s problem, right? And they’re like, oh, you should file a request. And we don’t have someone who comes for like three more weeks. And I’m like, You’re kidding. That’s enough to make you tired. I know, we talk about those small moments in life. And when we talk about body tired with it’s just something that kind of is on the top of my mind right now. Mostly because I’m sick of having a vacuum every single day because of it. Yeah, yeah. And that requires extra executive functioning and planning and other things that my brain just is not always capable of doing. Right. Right. So I feel but how are we able to be more mindful, I guess, like, of when things just feel like a lot? But even something as minor is like, that somehow ensue, consumes more than it should?

 

LB: 

Yeah, it’s a really good question. Because it’s like, you know, when you’re, when you’re capped out, you can manage a lot more. But when you’re like, at pushing maximum capacity, a little tiny thing can just kind of push you over the edge and be like, the thing, you know. And so when you’re constantly running, you know, maximum capacity, and you get a little tiny thing that goes into it, it seems incongruous that a little tiny thing can throw you off when you’ve got a million other things, but it’s just that one tiny little thing. That that sets you off. And and you just have to say to yourself, you know, what is, you know, what’s really important, you know, you just got to ground yourself about priorities, and then how it really isn’t that important, but it matters to you.

 

HM: 

Yeah, I think the other thing that really also kind of is weird, is that when I’m trying to lose a lot of different skills that are already hard enough for me, executive functioning gets worse. I know that I am more likely to be sensory, sensory dysregulated, which comes across as extremely moody and irritable when really I’m just dysregulated and I don’t think people get that. So I’m just trying to navigate as best I can. What about you? Like, I know, you’re also super busy?

 

LB: 

Yeah, it’s, you know, you just have to keep reprioritizing. But, you know, what really matters? And what takes precedent and what’s really like, everything isn’t an emergency, everything doesn’t have to be done. Like ASAP every, you know, the, I think I’ve said it here before, you know, I really am, I’m a little get when I get overwhelmed, which is not right now I get I get tired of emails. And I think people have to go back to the days where we have to write a letter, put all your thoughts in one page and mail it, as opposed to an email followed by another email with another thought another. And then it’s like, oh, my gosh, like, I can’t take all like the it feels like a barrage of information. But it’s really like, only one piece of information, but it’s in separate boxes.

 

HM: 

I feel that. It’s so much like, unnecessary stuff. It always feels like just a lot. That shouldn’t have to be a thing.

 

LB: 

Right. And now there’s just so much immediate, like, if you don’t respond to somebody so quickly, and whatever, you know, it’s, you know, I just the whole immediacy of the way we communicate and anticipate other people to communicate back is a lot of pressure. When you have a full day, a full scheduling your day. And then you’re you know, and then you see the emails just kind of rack up, or the text messages or whatever rack up, and you’re spent and now you have to go and address all of these.

 

HM: 

I know you’re like I don’t want to address any of this.

 

LB: 

And the good old days when I was starting out in my profession, it had to go through a person. And it would be, you know, vetted through another person. And then you know, and nobody expected a response within two seconds. And people are impatient.

 

HM: 

I mean, I’m very impatient, too. But that’s Yeah. I feel like especially text thing and stuff creates a sort of urgency or false urgency. But I try to be good at it. Because, for me, it’s easier when I have just a notification to work with instead of something like my inbox. Something else.

 

LB: 

And so what you just you mark your messages as unopened and then as you respond to them, you mark them…?

 

HM: 

always mark everything is I always read everything because I need to read everything. And then whether or not a respond is who knows? I don’t like notifications. That makes me anxious. Okay, I am an inbox zero even if it doesn’t mean that my mind is inbox zero.

 

LB: 

I like that. I think that’s a t-shirt.

 

HM: 

No, my mind is like a cluttered mess. But that doesn’t mean that my inbox is. I mean, I just kind of exist somehow.

 

LB: 

Yeah. Well, you do it very well,

 

HM: 

I think we all kind of have the illusion that we do it very well, when realistically, we’re all kind of just doing the best we can.

 

LB: 

Hey, the best weekend is pretty darn good. So

 

HM: 

that’s what I said, I realize you don’t have to be the best like to earn the gold star, you have to be good enough. Like, like, perfection just doesn’t do it. You know, like, it just kind of makes you feel even more tired. I was reading something today, because there was a book that was coming out about kind of rethinking what ambition looks like, and the way that we look at modern ambition, just leaving us all being burned out essentially. Right. And it really got me thinking it’s something I’d love to actually share. But it just really had me thinking this morning.

 

LB: 

I heard something similar on the radio on my driving to work and and it was it was about that, that and so it’s it’s something for all of us to really consider like, you know, don’t wait until you’re on your deathbed to to get your priorities straight. You know what, you know, it’s really important nobody you know, the old saying is you know, your deathbed nobody said oh, I wish I would have worked harder or longer hours you know…

 

HM: 

Exactly. I want to like in that we should be more ambitious about other things that aren’t working necessarily. Our relationships, our love our passions, like other stuff. And I’m like, yeah, I can get behind that. 100%.

 

LB: 

So that should be our t-shirt.

 

HM: 

Yes. And I think that’s something else. When we talk about us even being on a hiatus, it isn’t just work and stuff. It’s also the relationships in our lives and other things that somehow just take priority. And those are choices that we make. And that’s okay.

 

LB: 

Right. And that’s okay, is the part, right. And that’s okay.

 

HM: 

Like, even though we’ve been told that work, and everything else comes first, in so many ways, even though, obviously, we tell people that relationships are number one, but there’s this kind of undercurrent based on the state of the world that’s not necessarily true. I think, taking that time to reclaim of, hey, my personal relationships, my mental health, my passion projects are more important than this job, volunteer thing, et cetera. And I find our listeners to reevaluate and have those kinds of relationships with themselves too. And even, that’s something I think we even have with here at Spectrumly, as well as and you know, what? It’s okay, if you’re exhausted, I know, we have skipped recording times because things have gone on in our lives that made those choices. And the world did not in fact end because we did not record.

 

LB: 

Exactly, exactly.

 

HM: 

Kind of a self love moment. So as much as I would say, Hey, we’re going to commit to making sure we’re here every single week without fail. That’s not realistic. We are here as a resource, a friend and also while respecting our own boundaries and time and whatever our personal goals are, too. I think that’s kind of a realistic approach.

 

LB: 

I think so too. And I think it’s a I think it’s a good balanced approach as well.

 

HM: 

I’m trying. I’m trying to do a better job at practicing what I preach.

 

LB: 

Me too.

 

HM: 

I always tell my friends to take more mental health days and take care of themselves and to drink more water and to do things and I could barely remember do those same things for me.

 

LB: 

Well, um, then you need to tell yourself that you need to talk to yourself like you would your friends.

 

HM: 

I know. Which means, the minute that we’re done, I’m gonna go across the house and go get some water. Because I probably did not drink enough today. So to everyone listening, go get a glass of water, go get your favorite beverage and hydrate. I promise you’ll feel better.

 

LB: 

What can you prioritize for you?

 

HM: 

Sleep. That’s a simple answer. I think sleep and having some better personal habits like that.

 

LB: 

When you don’t sleep, you’re more spent too. I need to do more yoga I’ve gotten away from my yoga practice, I need to do more yoga.

 

HM: 

So we’re going to re-commit to reinvigorating your love for your yoga practice. And me actually getting some sleep.

 

LB: 

Yeah, I like it, too. I like it, too. You know, when you get older, you start getting less flexible.

 

HM: 

I mean, I’m not very flexible, and I want to go to yoga with you. So honestly, if Spectrumly ever came to a YouTube version, I think us at yoga would be pretty great. Especially if you recall, one of our past guests was actually a yoga instructor. I feel like there’s so much fun left to be had.

 

LB: 

There really is there’s always a lot of fun to be had. Just gotta run toward the fun not instead of away from the fun.

 

HM: 

So let’s run towards the fun. I liked that I liked that for this episode. We recharge our goals we run towards the fun. Exactly. That’s the cool thing. We always learn something and make a little bit of progress in some way shape or form here.

 

LB: 

Yeah, exactly. And that’s all we need to do. Learn a little bit, make a little progress, and then move on.

 

HM: 

I have expected that to be to the like beat of “Get Down Tonight”. That’s how I heard my head. Now you can’t hear it because you know it had that same kind of rhythm going.

 

LB: 

Yeah, i llove that. I’m always hearing music in my head and that would have been perfect.

 

HM: 

I always hear music in my head too. I guess that’s one of the better parts about us being an audio only podcast is you don’t get to hear me like dancing to the music in my head. Like bopping along to something.

 

LB: 

Well see, that gives you that gives you vigoration. Yeah. Always having a an ear worm in your head always gives you a little bop, little pep in your step.

 

HM: 

Love it. Go team.

 

LB: 

Yeah, run toward the fun.

 

HM: 

So we’re going to all run towards the fun together. I think that’s a beautiful note for our listeners as well before we eventually resume our normal programming or typically scheduled programming. I don’t like the word normal, I really don’t. Just kind of a reflex to use it. So we’re gonna go back to the programming you all know, love and deserve with guests shortly. But for now, we’re going to run toward the fun on our own boundaries and be kind to ourselves. And I think that’s a great place to kind of leave this discussion for now in our little catch up with each other and you. So be sure to check out different brands.org and check out their Twitter and Instagram @DiffBrains. And don’t forget to look for them on Facebook. If you’re looking for yours truly, you can find me at Haleymoss.com or you can also say hi to me on all the social media. I am on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter and actually TikTok. So please say hello.

 

LB: 

Wow, I have to check out your TikTok. I just don’t have one.

 

HM: 

it’s one of those things that I feel like you just mindlessly scroll through at night and I don’t think that’s always the smartest thing.

 

LB: 

No, no that’s very against sleep. Haley. So…

 

HM: 

So no TikTok for us.

 

LB: 

Exactly. I can be found at CFIexperts.com Please be sure to subscribe and rate us on iTunes and don’t hesitate to send questions to Spectrumlyspeaking@gmail.com. Let’s keep the conversation going.