Cultivating Thankfulness | Spectrumly Speaking ep. 103
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IN THIS WEEK’S EPISODE:
(24 minutes) In this episode, hosts Haley Moss and Dr. Lori Butts discuss the positive benefits of thankfulness.
Spectrumly Speaking is the podcast dedicated to women on the autism spectrum, produced by Different Brains®. Every other week, join our hosts Haley Moss (an autism self-advocate, attorney, artist, and author) and Dr. Lori Butts (a licensed clinical and forensic psychologist, and licensed attorney) as they discuss topics and news stories, share personal stories, and interview some of the most fascinating voices from the autism community.
For more about Haley, check out her website: haleymoss.net And look for her on Twitter: twitter.com/haleymossart For more about Dr. Butts, check out her website: cfiexperts.com
Have a question or story for us? E-mail us at SpectrumlySpeaking@gmail.com
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EPISODE TRANSCRIPTION:
HALEY MOSS (HM):
Hello and welcome to Spectrumly Speaking. I’m Hayley Moss, an attorney, author, artist and I’m autistic. Today I’m joined here by the one and only…
DR LORI BUTTS (LB):
I’m Dr. Lori Butts. I’m a psychologist and an attorney.
HM:
How are you doing?
LB:
Good, how about yourself?
HM:
So far, so good. Just you know, always up to something around here is what it always seems like.
LB:
Well, that’s good. It’s better than nothing.
HM:
Trying to keep busy.
LB:
Mm hmm. Good.
HM:
I think that I feel like that’s how we all are. I don’t know how we’re basically at November.
LB:
I can’t believe it. It’s crazy. It’s, I mean, to be locked up. I mean, you know, to be where we are in this pandemic. And to have gone by so quickly is strange, you would think it would have moved really slow. But instead, it seems like this year went by really, really fast. But yeah, no, no,
HM:
I was thinking about how this year has been very, very long, because I also know folks who had major occasions back in January 2020. And I’m like, that was this year.
LB:
Right? Well, yeah.
HM:
So it’s both been fast and slow in that regard. I think it’s just like, how are we it November? Like, it doesn’t feel like the holidays. It doesn’t feel like that typing time of year. Well, doesn’t it’s just very strange.
LB:
Right? Right. It’s Yeah, it’s right. It’s very strange. It’s very strange. And especially I you know, both of us live in South Florida. So many seasons, there’s no season so it’s hard to it’s hard to figure out what what days the next especially when every day is kind of like Groundhog Day. With the weather and with with the habits and with the new new normal right now.
HM:
It’s like, Where’s the cold? Where are the leaves falling? There’s nothing. It’s just hot out.
LB:
It’s hot. And we’re still in the house are wearing masks.
HM:
still hot? Still the house still wearing masks? still wearing flip flops? You know? Yeah. yoga pants, like nothing has changed. Right?
LB:
Right.
HM:
But since we are shockingly almost at the holidays, we would like to let everyone know that this episode, you’ll probably be listening right before Thanksgiving here in the United States. So kind of a scary thought. I know I know. But we are going guestlist which most of you know when we go guestlist I always find it very fun because Dr. butts somehow manages to make me feel at ease and relaxed. And I feel like everyone just gets to listen to me and then in the middle of a therapy session, but that’s all good. But we are going to talk today about gratitude and thankfulness. And despite everything that is going on in these times with the pandemic and everything that has happened this year, and how things have not quite gone according to plan, and some of us have suffered loss big and small, whether it’s been the loss of opportunities or job or something you were looking forward to or you may have lost a loved one this year for whatever the reason whether it is due to the coronavirus or just life circumstances we’re thinking of you as well. But we want to talk about thankfulness and gratitude, kind of have a positive note around here as well, especially because it is that time of year Thanksgiving start ushering in the hall, the festive period of December. So I think a really great place to start is let’s talk a little bit about what is one thing that we’re each grateful for, I think that might be a really great thing to start because I know that these times have been weird. And I think also we’ve had some things that we’re grateful for even though we have had some form of grief or loss, whether it’s the loss of a routine, a loved one or opportunities, I think there’s still things that we could be thankful for.
LB:
Oh absolutely, there’s always something to be thankful for and have gratitude for. And this, you know, in my therapy sessions, this is always my favorite week because our theme throughout this week is always gratitude and thankfulness and we should do it really more often than once a year but we we plan on it every year this week. And because it’s very important despite discipline despite every any kind of loss that that you discussed or there’s always something to be grateful for something be thankful for and that keeps you positive that keeps you forward thinking and and you know, I’m my biggest fan form of gratitude and thankfulness is for my family and friends and my my loved ones it’s that’s my dogs, you know, the without even looking at the dogs, everything everything. Everything else can go away could lose everything else but but that’s what I’m always grateful for and it’s so it makes you recognize that the connections that you have, whether it’s human or canine to me are the Most important part of, of my life? And how about you?
HM:
I think I’m with you, I think you said it better than I can about being thankful for my family. And I think especially in these times, I’m actually more grateful for them. Not only that they’re here, but that I did live at home for several months. So I actually got to spend more time with them that I might not have had the opportunity to. So it was really nice getting to spend that extra quality time with them, whether it was just being in the same house more often getting to watch more movies, getting to just do things around the house together and certain activities together. I’m really grateful for that extra time that I may not have had, I wish it were under different circumstances. But I’m really grateful that I got extra time with my family. Because I think we that we always think we don’t get enough time with our loved ones, no matter what is we don’t think we get enough time. Because we’re working, we’re so busy, we don’t want to go see them. We think it’s just a lot. But I’m really grateful that I had that extra say, like, seven months that I could actually spend with my family. So I was really grateful for that this year.
LB:
Yeah, that’s, that’s it, you know, there’s a lot of people that haven’t been able to spend time with their loved ones because of travel issues and things like that. And, and I’m hoping that despite physical separation, that people have found ways virtually, to connect, and to stay connected, and be thankful for the internet and letting us have those, those connections and the video calls and things like that. Oh, absolutely. Mm hmm. So that there’s a, you know, a point of gratitude. And, and having the time just an opportunity to spend with with each other.
HM:
I think something else that’s really interesting is having that gratitude and having it also sit along with with all of your other feelings. So it’s not that we’re expecting folks at home or that are listening to us to just feel put to shove aside everything else that they might have felt this year, just to feel thankful, like you could feel thankful. And I think at the same time, you could still have feelings of grief, of sadness, of anger of frustration, or just being anxious about what’s next. And I think that’s totally valid.
LB:
Right? And it’s balancing, it’s balancing those. So when you have the moments of sadness, or isolation, it’s kind of having that mental. Having, you know, switching up your thoughts, and saying, okay, I don’t, if I if I focus on the negative, I’m going to feel negative, I can focus on the positive, and there are positive things in my life, despite, you know, the, the tumultuous year that we’ve had, and it’s focusing on the positives, and the gratitude because you can’t if, if you’re spending your time focusing on what you’ve lost, and what’s negative, you’re missing out on the opportunity to enjoy and embrace what you do have. And so there’s a double loss there. And if you get wrapped up in the negativity can it can get you a whole host of a period of time where you’re not, you’re not observance, and you’re not recognizing the places, the things that you do have. That’s not, you know, we’re not talking materials, things that the opportunities and the things that you’re grateful for within your life. So they actually perience that.
HM:
Exactly. And I also think sometimes when we think about gratitude, we got to think, I think bigger than myself too. And this is something that I think we started talking about before the show is that there’s still so many people doing great things. And I think of that Mr. Rogers quote that about, like looking for the helpers, and looking for people that are doing great things that you’re still thankful, like, even if it isn’t someone you know, personally, but there are people that really are doing the work and doing things that we can be thankful for, because maybe we don’t have it in us to do it, or we don’t have the strength or the talent or whatever it might be. So like, I think about how I’m so grateful for all the healthcare workers that are doing what they do day in and day out how I’m thankful for the many disabled advocates and activists out there that are continuing to make sure that we’re included in every conversation, whether it’s about the workplace or about the disproportionate impact that the Coronavirus is having on folks who are in long term care facilities or who have developmental disabilities that even when things are really, really difficult, that people are still doing the work that people are still showing up. Like there’s there’s something about that, that makes me immensely thankful because I know that there are times that I feel just completely overwhelming, and that there’s just so many people doing wonderful work and just taking the time out of their day to volunteer or to do something and it just or even if it’s part of their job like the health care workers and folks on the frontlines and first responders it just makes me think like wow, that even as humanity that we are still willing to go the extra mile for other people because we want things to be better for those around us? Like, how can you not be thankful for that?
LB:
Right? Right? Right. And it’s it and it’s important to focus on the gratitude and thankfulness. Rather than the horror of, of the situation. And, and, and it’s difficult sometimes. But it’s making that shift and making that mental acknowledgement that, you know, there are so many good people doing so many wonderful things out there, to help humanity and help each other, to look out for each other. And sometimes we get bombarded with with negativity. So it’s really important to try and tune that out and focus on on the gratitude and the thankfulness for the people that are putting their lives at risk, or who are openly speaking for people with disabilities and advocating for people with disabilities. And I’m very grateful for all the people that we’ve had on our show. Me too,
HM:
I’m so grateful for all of our guests. I always forget to thank them. Yeah, no, we I think we think I mean, we thank them every time they’re here. But I forget, at the end of the year, like, wow, we talked to so many amazing people. And I know that will do. For all the folks who are wondering about all the amazing people we’ve had, we usually do an end of your roundup that will be coming in the next couple of weeks. So you’ll get to hear about all of our highs and lows and what we hope we can have next time.
LB:
Mm hmm.
HM:
So that we can just keep doing better.
LB:
Right. And, and, and it’s just, you know, it’s people are putting themselves out there to, to help us with our show one and, and to help the autism community too. And it’s, it’s, you know, it’s, it’s, it’s risk taking to come on here and to be, you know, to talk openly, and to discuss the things that we discuss with them. And they have a lot of gratitude for, I’ve learned so much. Yeah, from from the people that we speak to, and I learned so much from you. And I’m so grateful for you. I’m grateful
HM:
for you too. And I learned a lot from you, too. I always just feel better after I talk to you like every single time that you and I talk, I just feel very energized. And I feel very like at ease and very like. I just feel good about it. I’m explaining it. And I hope I think that comes across pretty well when you listen to our conversations here too. But I just always feel good about it. And I am grateful for you. Oh, thank
LB:
you.
HM:
Thank you. And I’m also grateful to all of our friends behind the scenes here at spectrum Lee speaking. So some if you’ve ever been a guest on our show that you know that we have an absolutely wonderful coordinator behind everything, Joseph Sachi. He’s the one who helps us coordinate guests and helps us edit and put everything together so that we actually do have a show. We also, we also have our friends and hackie reitman in our regular, regularly occurring cast and folks who help edit, make things happen here publish, that there are things that are definitely beyond Dr. butts and eyes control and purview because we’re not, I don’t think either of us are exactly gifted audio engineers at this. And we both have careers and other stuff going on. So I really want to give a shout out to the behind the scenes team who are able to make this happen without them. There is no show,
LB:
right? And the amazing interns oh my goodness, they’re so wonderful, the interns so grateful for them and all their hard work and transcribing the shows and editing
HM:
that exactly that there is so much that goes on beyond you and me. And I think that a lot of people who listen to podcasts, don’t always think about those things. And I know that you and I are grateful because again, we wouldn’t be here otherwise we wouldn’t be doing this
LB:
No. Have no idea how to do it…
HM:
I would know how to make a transcript, but it probably wouldn’t be very good. I’ve used those like AI bots to kind of transcribe or at least get a rough transcript.
HM:
Really, it’s usually like maybe like 70% right? And then you still have to go comb through it yourself.
LB:
Right. Well, I broke my hand like this around this time last year.
HM:
I remember that
LB:
…and I tried to use voice transcription and everything just came out so wrong. It was it was so difficult. The
HM:
captions.
LB:
Yes. Yeah. Yeah. So I was actually this would this would be a good time to do it again, because you don’t have to wrap presence.
HM:
Grateful for breaking my hand shoot. Thankful for not having to wrap presence requires too many fine motor skills, right? grateful for not having to face the fact that we don’t have the best fine motor skills in the first place.
LB:
Right? Right. Some things
HM:
are better being in perpetual denial and some time and things like that, including wrapping presents should be up there on your list. Sometimes you can be grateful for the little thing. In life,
LB:
exactly, exactly. Like hot water when you take a shower. I’m always grateful for hot water to take shower.
HM:
I always just make everything way too hot because for some reason, I never noticed that it’s like burning until I get out and then I’ll read. I don’t notice that I’m burning. Like, I guess my sensory perception is of like heat in water is just really
LB:
interesting. And I was like, here’s like,
HM:
anytime anyone has seen me, like after a shower, like going like in a Jacuzzi, or anything, like we’re always like, really red. And I’m like, Oh, I was fine. I thought it wasn’t hot enough. And then like you’re like really read? Well, and I’m sitting like, it just doesn’t register. Right.
LB:
Right. Right. Interesting.
HM:
The more you know. But yes, I love hot water. And I’m very grateful for it. Hot water. If hot water were a person, it would probably be up there on my celebrity crushes.
LB:
That’s a great statement.
HM:
I mean, it’s not something I thought that I would ever say, let alone on the air. But it is true, though.
LB:
It’s so good. That’s so good. Yeah, and, you know, speaking of Thanksgiving, and being in South Florida, I’m pretty grateful that we can be outside at this time of year. Because it’s it’s not cold, brutal. And it’s true, like it is in other parts of the country.
HM:
And we didn’t get slammed with a major hurricane this year.
LB:
Right. Very grateful for that. Wow,
HM:
that that could have been a cherry on top of a really, really terrible 2020.
LB:
Well, yeah, I mean, look at the Gulf Coast of, you know, Louisiana, they got hit so many times. It’s just just No, but again, we have to be grateful for
HM:
that. It’s I feel bad every time I say I’m grateful. Because someone else got completely.
LB:
Exactly, exactly.
HM:
It’s a tough one. It’s a tough, it’s a really tough thing, I think with hurricane season. Like I’m so grateful we didn’t get hit, but you’re like somebody else did.
LB:
Right? Right. Right. Right. That’s tough. But I am grateful that we can spend time socially distance outside. Because the weather seems to be, you know, not as oppressively hot, but not cold, like it is in other places where you it’s outside. And
HM:
how do we keep this going on all year round? Like how do I keep having this feeling of thankfulness, like you mentioned as well earlier in the show, like when it comes to your clients, you always focus Thanksgiving week on that you’re like, I wish we did that more often like me, too. So how do we actually like, be better about doing this more regularly? Like, next time we do the show, we can have a quick moment and are like how you doing thing and to talk about something we’re thankful for something pop, have a positive note of some sort. And they’re like, I don’t know, I’m just trying to think off the top of my head, like how can we be better about this as a and not just the annual Oh, is Thanksgiving was right there in gratitude, we should be grateful for things in our lives. Right?
LB:
Well, Oprah, Oprah Winfrey made this gratitude journal, very public. And it’s actually a really good technique, before you go to bed, to write down three things that you’re grateful for, and that day, you know, or you can, you can do it, when you wake up in the morning to set your day, you know, it’s or you can do both. And you can even have to, if you don’t want to write it down, that’s okay, you can just think it in your head. But make that kind of part of a meditation practice or breathing exercise or something like that, just three things that you’re grateful for. And it could be, you know, pizza, my dog and the weather, you know, whatever it is, um, you know, or it could be something like my health, you know, something more profound. And so and by by being mindful every day, and a little way, it takes 10 seconds, maybe sometimes it may take a little longer if you’re struggling. But to do that every day in your life to repeat to focus your brain on being positive and, and having gratitude and being thankful because that’s, that’s what really keeps you from focusing on the negative. being thankful for something keeps you away from the negativity and keeps you focused on positive and that’s really important for your mental health. So yes, we can certainly every show, you know, in our recap, say what we’re, we’re thankful for in the show or at the beginning. We can talk about, you know, the things that we’re thankful for that happened during the week. Um, but for our listeners, you know, every day to have three to five or Even one thing that you remind yourself that you’re grateful for can really change your perspective and help build a positive mental state for yourself. Mm hmm.
HM:
I like that a lot. And originally when you’re talking about Oprah like: Ooh, she would have good ideas.
LB:
Yes, yes. I don’t know where she learned that from.
HM:
I don’t know, either.
LB:
I think it was a psychologist. It was a long time. Meanwhile, thank
HM:
you for reminding me. I need to go see what her favorite things this year for the holidays?
LB:
I think they’re already sold out.
HM:
I always look at the favorite things list. I don’t know why it’s one of those compulsions that I have is I’m like, I need to go see what the favorite things are this year?
LB:
Yes. I saw a handbag that she recommended was like sold out in, like 30 seconds or something.
HM:
I mean, she still has good taste.
LB:
Yes. That’s that’s, that’s for sure.
HM:
I remember one year I got sneakers that were on her favorite things list. And I’m pretty sure they are my favorite sneakers.
LB:
Oh, wow. Wow. Well done.
HM:
Know what that might be a fun episode to have two is our like, gifting for the neurodivergent people in your life.
LB:
Yes! I think that that’s important because you bring up a lot of things that we talked about that, you know, I…
HM:
…can you imagine if someone actually thought to pick like a sensory friendly gift, or like a really comfy shoe, you just, you just be so stoked, right? I am grateful that such things exist. I’m grateful that manufacturers actually care about autistic people, and that there’s so many wonderful creators and small business owners who are doing things that you know, bring joy.
LB:
Right. Yeah,
HM:
Oh my god, I’m sorry, my brain is just like turning on right now. And I’m like: this would be really fun to cover.
LB:
Or you’ve got a good brain. So that’s good.
HM:
Sometimes it actually works most of the time it does not.
LB:
Yes, grateful that — grateful when your brain works correctly. We have a lot to be grateful for, and a lot, so.
HM:
So I think that everyone has a lot to think about as far as what they can be thankful for, and taking a couple moments out of their day. And during this holiday. And of course, most importantly for everyone who is celebrating Thanksgiving or if you’re celebrating a similar holiday, just make sure that you stay safe. And you let people in your life know that you care about them and you love them and of course try to stay as healthy as possible as well. So if you want more information, be sure to check out different brains.org and check out their Twitter and Instagram at DiffBrains. And don’t forget to look for them on Facebook. If you’re looking for me, you can find me at Haley moss dotnet or you can find me on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram at haleymossart.
LB:
I can be found at CSI Experts.com please be sure to subscribe and rate us on iTunes. And don’t hesitate to send questions to spectrumlyspeaking@gmail.com. Let’s keep the conversation going.
Spectrumly Speaking is the podcast dedicated to women on the autism spectrum, produced by Different Brains®. Every other week, join our hosts Haley Moss (an autism self-advocate, attorney, artist, and author) and Dr. Lori Butts (a licensed clinical and forensic psychologist, and licensed attorney) as they discuss topics and news stories, share personal stories, and interview some of the most fascinating voices from the autism community.