Resources for Caregiver Challenges | DB Caregiver Webinar Series pt.5
Caregiver Challenges
DifferentBrains.org is excited to present our 5 part webinar series for caregivers. This 5th and final webinar addresses the overall issues caregivers commonly face, including burnout.
For other installments: part 1 / part 2 / part 3 / part 4
–ABOUT OUR HOSTS–
CAROLINA LEON, LMHC, LMFT, NCC, QS: “I have been practicing since 2013, working with children, families, and at-risk youth in various settings. I specialize in helping neurodiverse children, couples with communication or trauma issues, and families in the court system. As a dually licensed Mental Health and Marriage and Family therapist, I am also a Qualified Supervisor and National Certified Counselor. My therapeutic approach is tailored to the individual or family’s needs, drawing from frameworks such as Solution Focused, CBT, Gottman, and Bowen theory. Outside of work, I enjoy spending time with loved ones, including my English bulldog Chunky, and I am currently pursuing a Doctoral degree.”
MELODIE PLAISE, M.S.: Melodie Plaise earned a bachelor’s in psychology with a minor in Africana Studies, as well as a master’s in clinical psychology from Barry University. Melodie is currently pursuing a doctorate in counseling with a specialization in Marital, Couple, and Family Counseling. She serves as the Founding President of the University’s NAACP chapter and focuses her research on the historic marginalization of minority populations. Outside of school, she organizes and serves with community advocacy groups to promote equity and justice. In addition, she works to decolonize and destigmatize mental healthcare through her practice.
PATI FIZZANO, M.S.: “I received my undergraduate degree from Florida Atlantic University as an Exceptional Student Educator (ESE) with an ASD, autism spectrum disorder endorsement. With over 15 years of experience working with teens diagnosed with High-Functioning Autism, I attended Lynn University and graduated with honors as a Clinical Mental Health Counselor. My clinical passion and professional niche in working with people with autism spectrum disorder (ASD) and their loved ones grew into my passion. I wanted to begin raising awareness to support this population through writings and research and co-wrote Aspertools: The Practical Guide for Understanding and Embracing Asperger’s Autism SpectrumDisorders, and Neurodiversity with Dr. Hackie Reitman, founder of Different Brains. Presently, I am a doctoral student at Barry University in their Family and Marriage Counseling Program to grasp a deeper understanding in supporting families and caregivers that have been touched with autism.”
TRANSCRIPTION
Note: the following transcription was automatically generated. Some imperfections may exist.
SARAI WELCH (SW):
Welcome to the different brain speaker series and the final installment of our webinar series for caregivers. Different Brains is a nonprofit that strives to encourage understanding and acceptance of neurodiversity. Our mission has three pillars, one to mentor neurodiverse adults that maximize their potential for employment and independence, to to increase awareness of neurodiversity by producing media, and three to foster the new generation of neurodivergent self advocates. Here are different brains, we promote awareness through the production of variety of media content, including our work Video, Web Series, blogs, podcasts, and documentaries, all available for free on our website. All of our content is worked on by those in the mentorship program, in which we aid individuals in taking the first step towards achieving their goals and finding their voice. So find more information or to make a tax deductible donation, please visit our website at differentbrains.org. Before we start, I want to invite everyone to send questions using the q&a feature in zoom, or by putting questions in the chat box. This webinar will have live closed captioning, which can be controlled using the captions button on your zoom dashboard. And now I’m going to hand it over to Carolyn.
CAROLINA LEON (CL):
Thank you, sir. I welcome everyone to our fifth and final installment of caregiver series. My name is Carolina Leon. For those of you who have been with us, I am a therapist. I’m in private practice, I own my own private practice. And I worked consistently have worked with children and families, families of children with special needs. I guess, while my colleagues are introducing themselves if you can please share with us. What in what space are you coming from? How do you identify yourself? Now I’ll pass it over to Pati.
PATI FIZZANO (PF):
Good evening, everyone. My name is Pati Fizzano, and I have worked as a teacher in the school district for over 20 years educating with children on the autism spectrum disorder, teaching them their social and emotional skills. I’ve also had my private practice and therapy specializing with children and adults on the autism spectrum, and their families. I’m also in my third year of a doctoral student at Barry University, specializing in family and marriage therapy. And one of my new roles in life began doing COVID As a caregiver, not realizing what the role really consists of until I became emerged. And this webinar has helped me to understand the importance of taking care of self strategies on supporting my loved one, and how to balance my lifestyle. So welcome, and I’ll pass it over to Melodie.
MELODIE PLAISE (MP):
Thank you, ladies. Good evening, everyone. My name is Melodie Plaise. I am a third year doctoral student at Barry University. I also own a private practice that is driven by a mission to decolonize and destigmatize mental health care. And I really look forward to closing off this conversation with you all and and hopefully we can continue it and in some different ways at some different times. Thank you for joining. As Carolina mentioned earlier, please introduce yourselves in the chat. Let us know who’s in the space with us. Let us know where you’re coming from. Let us know just also what you wish to learn from the webinar or what you’ve learned so far, if you’ve been with us. So yeah, we look forward to continuing this conversation. Thank you for being here. And I’ll pass it back to Pati.
PF:
So tonight’s agenda: we did the introduction, we’re going to be doing a self care technique in a minute. And we will be talking about caregiver burnout and what can cause burnout. And how can you tell as a caregiver if you’re experiencing the burnout, we also will introduce tool tools that will help you have to, you know, understand how to get through being not getting to the burnout stage. And we’re just putting it all together of all the weeks that we have been giving you the tools and seeing what tools have worked for you if you’ve been using these tools. So at the end of our PowerPoint, we’re going to be doing a q&a part of questions and answers and trying to answer some of the questions that you have. I think there’s someone asking a question or raising their hand ?
CL:
Jenna I believe her sharing with us where where we’re coming from Um, oh, you want to you want to chime in Melodie?
MP:
Yes, of course I can. We just have some of our participants introducing themselves. We have Montgomery Prescod, who says that they are a mental health provider from South Carolina. And they work with ADHD children. And they also have their own practice, which is called every VEC counts. We also have Deborah, who says Hello, I am an adoptive parent as of a boy with FASD, a ADHD and ASD living in Scotland. Wow. Hi, welcome. Thank you for joining us. And also she says that she, I’m, I’m learning more about taking care of myself. So thank you for sharing that.
PF:
Welcome, everyone. So this is when we do the self care technique. And if you joined us in the last couple of webinars, then you’re familiar with us introducing a mindfulness activity at this point, if tonight is your first night welcome. And then one of the main reasons we’d begin with a mindfulness activity is to help ground you and be with us in this moment. So this is a simple mindfulness activity that you can do anytime to help ground you. So what I do is, if you can see, can you see me I hope so with my hands, right? This is it. So I invite you to hold up your hands like I’m doing mine. And on the right side, you have your pointer finger, right. So you start at the bottom by your thumb. And it’s easy to do, as you’re moving or gliding your finger up to the tip of your thumb I want you to start breathing in. And this really helps the breathing exercises, it just helps you so much. And so you take your finger in your breathing and breathing in and in and in and in and in. And when you get to the tip of your thumb, hold it for like three seconds. And then as your fingers going down, you let out you breathe out. And this is a great way it’s a sensation with your fingers just to feel your touching, you know, and feeling that sensation of your fingers going up. But it’s also a way to guide you on how long you should be breathing, you know. So again, let’s try it again, bring your finger up, breathe in, all the way in, in in, hold three seconds. And then let it release. And as you’re releasing, when your finger down. We’ll try to get. So again, you go up your finger breathing in, in, get to the tip, hold, hold for a good three seconds, and then release. And keep doing this. This is a really great way of actually giving you a visual of a mindfulness activity that you can actually know the breathing technique. So some people say I don’t know how long to breathe, I don’t know. But this is a great way this is great thing to also as a caregiver, teach children. If you’re working with children, I’m helping them to understand hey, this is fun. You breathe in, hold, breathe out. So I think this is a great activity and I I wanted to ask Carolina and Melodie how how this works
CL:
for them. Thanks, buddy. It’s it has been a fun activity. You’ve shared this one with us in particular before. And it is nice to implement with with children or with adults as well. If you’re with your care recipient, it’s also a nice way to teach them. And it’s sort of twofold. It’ll be something for you, as a caregiver to have a mindful moment. And the same thing for your carry segment. Melodie, I don’t know if you have anything else. Thank you.
MP:
I do. I always enjoy doing these because it’s a quick and easy way to take those five deep breaths that we’re always you know, like advising to take when it comes to mindfulness. And I just also love the visual right getting to the tip and stopping for the three seconds and then exhaling and releasing and dropping. So not only are you getting like that visual as you follow, but you also have the sensory as you’re touching your fingers. And you’re also breathing in and out and taking those deep breaths. So I absolutely love this one.
PF:
Thank you ladies. I know I do too. So over these past webinars, we have introduced many mindfulness activities and wanted to invite you to put in the chat box if these activities are helping you or would you like to share an activity that has worked for you with us? So we would love to hear from them. So you’re you’re welcome to just keep chatting with us because we’d love to, you know, talk to you through this webinar.
MP:
Yes, Keep adding your comments and questions in the chat and in the q&a. And we’ll of course, periodically address them and answer your questions as well at the end when we have our q&a. Thank you.
PF:
So as you can see, in this picture, you can see Mom is probably going through a little, you know, exhaustion, right. So what is caregiver burnout? So we got this information from according to the Cleveland Clinic, and they define the caregiver burnout as a state of physical, emotional and mental exhaustion. Burnout can occur when caregivers don’t get the help they need. Or if they try to do more than they are able physically or financially. In this state, you may feel overwhelmed your you may experience fatigue, anxiety and depression. And many of us do I mean, we get exhausted, we get tired and and we’ll we’ll later on, we’ll give you strategies on how to prevent this. So we can go to the next slide and unless someone has the question. Carolina, would you like to go over this? What causes caregiver burnout, and also other factors to burnout?
CL:
Of course, so what causes caregiver burnout is we have some somebody in the chat taking those moments you mentioned to sit and picture myself at the beach, the sound of the waves focusing on my breathing. That’s awesome, Deborah, and I think that we’re you’ve been with us at several of our series. So we are very glad to hear that you’re able to take the guided imagery, mindfulness technique, and take it with you wherever you go. No, I love that. Thank you for sharing. Thank you. And so, and this is, again, this is a list, it’s not exclusive, you know, it could be endless number of things, but caregivers will tend to neglect their own emotional, physical and spiritual health. So, you know, the idea is, as we have mentioned throughout the series to be able to take care of yourself prior to continuing to be a caregiver, right. So you have to have that balance. You know, some other things that some other factors that lead to burnout are could be role confusion, unrealistic expectations, lack of control, and unreasonable demands, whether on yourself or on the care recipient. So we are not in in particular, speaking about being a curious event for children or for adults, wherever you may be, but making sure that you have reasonable demands both on yourself and for your care recipient. I think, you know, being able to have that realistic expectations as to what is able to get done within a day or or within a week and giving yourself some grace. If something doesn’t get done today. It’s okay. You can get them tomorrow. I don’t know if you want to add anything Melodie.
MP:
Only thing that’s really coming up for me is is you know how throughout this series, I’ve been saying you can’t pour from an empty cup, right? And I think this this applies here and this it’s worth bringing up again here. Burnout happens from pouring in from pouring too much and you’re not feeling your own right. So you’re at the end of the day and you have a completely empty cup. But you’re still there’s there are still these demands, right? These unreal reasonable demands of you like you, you have nothing in your cup yet you’re expected to continue pouring and that’s where that that burnout in that exhaustion can come in. So I love being able to tie you back in here with this slide and on this final day of our of our webinar. Thank you for coming. Carolina?
CL:
Thank you. And I was trying to go there melody, but I never say it correctly. I was like, let me let melody chime in here. And definitely that that Oh, Montgomery saying irrational thoughts or cognitions? Yes, definitely. Being able to have reasonable expectations and knowing that there are things that you’re going to be able to control and other things that are going to be out of your control, and how can you keep moving forward without having the need to control everything. Now we understand finances sometimes is is a concern. And if you are a caregiver and need to find help, sometimes that’s also a concern. But hopefully we’ve been able to share resources or at the very least have given ways in which you can find those resources depending on where you’re at. Especially being that we have we’ve had the opportunity to have participants from all over. So Okay, goodbye to you buddy.
PF:
Thank you Carolina. You know that one point of that oh go back for a second the role confusion. I know when I became a caregiver, it was confusing because as a therapist as a teacher and now all of a sudden as a caregiver, I was getting mixed up and I was getting my roles confused. So when you wrote that I you know, it related to me because I felt like these are the things that we’re we’re learning about where we’re self awareness on ourselves because I don’t want to get into a burnout stage. So thank you for sharing that Carolina. Um, yes. So what are the symptoms of burnout? You know, first you may feel your energy level being low, you know, and, and for me, like one tool that may help me is exercise, right exercise, we know is a natural energy booster. And whenever we do the energy, we feel that oxygen, right rich blood surging through our body, and, and to our heart, and it just helps us it helps our muscles, our brains, you know, if you can at least try to do at least 10 minutes. You know, at a day, at a time or in a day, you’ll feel that energy like a boost. So this is what works for me, right? But if you feel that you are always catching colds, like boosting your immune system may help by eating a balanced diet, sleeping and exercise daily. Or if you’re feeling overwhelmed, or constantly worrying, feeling sad, or hopelessness, being aware that you may be approaching burnout. Remember these tools of asking for help focus in on what you are able to provide. Setting your personal health goals for yourself and join a support group setting realistic goals. So you never neglect your own needs. That’s that is awareness that you need to understand when you are and these symptoms are. They’re they’re real symptoms. And if you really realize this, these are great tools to help you, you know, understand where you’re going. So you want to make sure that you understand these symptoms, you may want to write them down, go back over to our PowerPoint and look them up. But this is a great slide to know what the symptoms of burnout is as a caregiver. So on the next slide, we are offering other tools that can help when you may feel that you are entering a stage of burnout right. So I’ll I’ll let Karolina or you know Melanie and myself, we can all talk about these tools, we have two slides of different tools. And we would love your participation to ask us any kind of questions on any of these tools that we have been teaching you over this webinar or tonight. Okay, so Carolina, would you like to talk about a tool or use?
CL:
Yeah, thanks, Betty. So one of the keys is to have patience when you begin to feel overwhelmed as a caregiver. And that one in particular could just really fit into any role that you’re in, you know, as therapists as a mom. Sometimes I will do deep breaths with my little one, especially when she was younger, she my kid was the champion at tantrums. So from very little, we worked on breathing exercises. And it was simple, right? It was 123, let’s breathe in and out four or five times, you know, when she was when she was younger. And it was not just for her. But it was also for mom, right to be able to have that mindfulness of okay, she’s she, what, especially in her terrible twos, you’ll get there Melanie. And so just being able to have to have that moment and reminding yourself to take a few deep breaths and teaching wherever it is that you’re with in that space to be able to do the same. Patients is really key when you begin to feel overwhelmed. I know, Patti, you and I have spoken a lot. Sometimes your mom may repeat things Oh, sure. Forget and things like that. And you just kind of go along with it. And go from there. Even walking away. Yeah. Sometimes you need to walk away in and the key is to be able to ask for support. I know you in particular party have a great support system, where you can call somebody and say Hey, can you take my mom further?
PF:
Exactly. But think of like new moms like melody. What do you do when your child is like crying and you’re just tired? What do you do Melodie?
MP:
Yeah, that that is a great question. Right? Sometimes even asking for that help, I think is like the most important thing. And thankfully I have with my daughter I have a great support. which system right? And I’m able to just, you know, hand her, like hand her over to someone and, and walk away just to, you know, emotionally regulate myself before returning into the space and being able to be the most amazing mom that I can be to her. But in order for me to do that I have to be able to step away and really take those five seconds, 10 minutes, whatever long it takes being able to walk away and take that and as I’m walking away taking those those deep breaths and remembering she’s a baby like she’s crying for a reason she needs things right. And really like rationalizing that she’s not doing this just to get under my skin but she’s doing this because she’s trying to communicate a certain need, that she’s not yet able to verbalize with words. So I think just really treating not just myself but also treating her with some grace. Right. I think that is what has, I guess gotten me through this first year. But now I’m looking forward to those terrible twos you’re talking about Carolina?
PF:
Hopefully you don’t go through that right melody with all your self care and understanding all these little tools that we’re giving?
MP:
I hope that when I do get to that moment, because I know sometimes yes, we give you the tools, you’re aware of them. But when you’re in the moment, it might not be the first thing that comes to mind. It might your your you have so many different things going on. Stopping to take a deep breath is not what you’re really prioritizing at that moment. But what these are these webinars are for is to really kind of like really emphasize like why it’s important for you to be able to take those 10 minutes, five minutes to yourself or just really taking those five deep breaths, right? Again, you can’t really continue to provide the care to others if you’re not caring for yourself. That’s true.
PF:
And again, we would love to hear from everyone if you have other tools we’re going to have, you know, we have other slides showing you tools but if you have tools, please share them with us too. Because I think we’re all here to learn together. Absolutely, Pati. So sticking to your boundaries, you know, boundaries help us take care of ourselves by giving us permission to say no to things. And not to not to take everything on it helps give us a visual of drawing a clear line of what is okay for us, and what is not okay for us. So boundaries is really really important for everyone to know sometimes it may be hard to stick to our boundaries, but knowing the importance and raising our awareness of how important they are. It is this is one of the tools that we think is really really important. Also routines are important. For example, some are listed on the site like morning wakeup time eating and medication schedules daily bedtime routines, it will help caregivers plan their day but also routines will help you plan for yourself care throughout the day. So Melodie and Carolina would like to share the importance of boundaries and routines in your lives. Like how does this work for you?
MP:
Go ahead. Thank you. I think for me, boundaries, were something that I had to get used to not just not just setting but sticking to right. Maintaining those boundaries, because yes, I might, you know, set this boundary however it gets, you know, it gets crossed. And in that moment, do I do I stand behind my boundary? Or do I just let it go, right. But I find that it’s really more helpful when you really do stick to it when you maintain it, because then people do realize, oh, this is really important to her. Right? And they also start acting accordingly. And I know for I know for myself, like I need my sleep, like in order to function, like I need my sleep and thankfully like my support system, especially in the first those first couple of months like I was able to sleep at night because they were taking the night shifts right and allowing me to to have that sleep again. But being able to ask for that help and also setting those boundaries if I had to let them know that I really need my sleep in order to function and continue being a decent human being. They would have known that right? So really just verbalizing things and really having open and honest conversations in general with people about how things affect you personally, and also as a caregiver. Those are really my go twos.
CL:
Agreed. Thanks, Melodie. Yeah, for me, it’s it’s the the routines and again sort of those boundaries. So working out for me is a big one. So if I’m working out I will completely disconnect, like, my phone goes away. My watch goes on silent, like, those are my 3040 minutes, however long it is, that is me that is sort of my mindful moment. And if I, if I happen to exercise at home, like inside my home because of the weather or whatever situation, my my family already knows Oh, her earpiece is on her video is on this is this is our time. And it wasn’t overnight, it was little by little, like, Hey, I’m gonna exercise can you just give me that time, you know, for me. And little by little, it takes some reminding and ignoring from your part as well. And so that, for me is really sort of my boundary and schedule like I have to get my workout in. It’s just my form of self care. So like you say, Melody so that I could be a decent human being. And so that that, for me is a big one. I’m not much of a sleeper. So I sleep a little bit, I’m good. But I have to get that that self care piece in Hollywood volume, especially as a caregiver, what do you know?
PF:
Why do I do stick to boundaries? You know, what I do is I have an actual calendar. And on that calendar, you know, we talk about it all the time, like we talked about what’s going to happen this week that and we just schedule, everything we schedule, you know, the medication setups we know, at 10 o’clock every morning, this is what’s going to happen or at eight o’clock at night are everything is set in this calendar being very organized, you know, who’s watching what time, you know, where am I going my appointments, it just helps me know that there’s space for me, there’s time for me. So it’s never a hiccup in our family, we just feel like everyone knows the schedule, everyone can, you know, step in and help. And if I do need support, if someone you know, it doesn’t always go perfectly. But when there is a hiccup, we just know that there’s also a list of names that we can call for support. And I think having that ahead of time before getting into that burnout stage and saying oh no and, and really being overwhelmed. Having that set up already an opening that calendar and helping me really does is really important for me. So you know that weekly setting down maybe 30 minutes a week scheduling the whole week helps me function. So with my self care, isn’t it too, so I know how important that is? So yes. And we would love to hear from you guys. What do you do? What do you you know? Do you stick to boundaries? You know, does this work for you? Like, you know, we would love to hear from all of you?
MP:
Yes, we have we have we have a few of wall two comments. Now. We have Montgomery, they said remaining emotionally flexible rather than emotionally rigid. So yes, absolutely. And that’s something I wanted to point out too, as we’re the three of us, we’re talking about our boundaries and our self care and what it takes for us to really be our best selves, right? We’re all saying different things that work for us. So I also invite you who are attending tonight to think about what are those boundaries for you? What are the things that you need to do to really be your best self? So yeah, and also, if you’d like to share in the chat as well let us know. And I’ll stop from time to time and read them. And also Deborah here said, taking time out in the garden. Yes, I love plants. I love gardening. She said five to 10 minutes are tagging with my husband, once he was home are available. I’m also learning and building a toolkit and gaining insight into myself. journaling and reflecting is helping me it’s helping me see situations differently. But as you mentioned, little by little learning Absolutely. Like, again, treating yourself with that grace and being kind to yourself, right? I mentioned earlier how like when you’re in the moment, everything you’ve learned all the things in that toolkit, or in that toolkit shut away, because I don’t have time to look at that toolkit right now I’m dealing with something in this this moment, right? But again, at the end of the day, if you realize allow I was in a situation that I didn’t even use any of my tools, right? Instead of like being frustrated with yourself or being angry at yourself, when you’re really in the learning process, really treating yourself with that grace and saying okay, now that I know this, now that I’m aware of this, maybe I’ll be more intentional about opening up that toolkit and using one of those tools in the future when I’m also dealing with you know, with a moment of high anxiety. So, yeah, yes, the restaurant I need. I too need sleep, being kind to myself. Yes. And she’s also good at apologizing. So yes, out Slowly, all those little things really add up to helping us be our best selves in order for us to continue providing that care that we so, so much love to provide for our care recipients.
CL:
Deborah, we love hearing that you’re you’re really utilizing a lot of the tools from the toolkit, you know, that we’ve shared. So it’s great to see that and I hope you’re not apologizing for taking time for yourself. Right? Because that’s much needed for you. But But thank you so much for sharing. All right, so this next one is, if you’ve been with us before, you will see some of the toolkits that we’ve already shared. So one of them being journaling is at the top right, obviously, here is a toolkit, and finding balance within yourself something Patti shared on one of the previous webinars about finding your your balance within you know, the balancing sheet. So whatever it is that you’re doing for your care recipient, you’re also doing for yourself. So like eating, bathing, those sort of everyday routines and activities, making sure that you are balanced as much as possible, right, but making sure those self care needs are met for both care recipient. And first off, as well as journaling. We’ve talked a lot about journaling and how it can help you just focus whether at the beginning of the day, or reflecting throughout the day, or to end the day, right. And then being mindful in those little things that you enjoy doing. So for me, it’s that first cup of coffee when the coffee is brewing that smell really just enjoy my coffee, mindfully and intentionally and with nothing else, no other distractions for pattied tea in the same way, just being able to enjoy those little moments. And some of the others that we didn’t put on here is the grounding techniques or earthing being able to connect with the earth by going outside, you know, putting your feet on the grass or if you get an opportunity at the beach, and just really being able to connect with nature. And you could even blend some of these in right. So I know Pati, you mentioned earlier going for walks so you could go for walks. And if the floor is not too hot, you’re putting your feet on the on the grass because at least on our side, it’s extremely hot. And so doing these things for yourself and even for your care recipient, if you if you could and are able to include them, so that you’re both in sort of a mindful place and begin to set those boundaries and those intentional mindful moments. Pati or Melodie, you want to share anything else on these things.
PF:
I just love, love a lot of the techniques we we did over this webinar and looking back on this page reflecting back on one of the I do the tea every morning. You’re absolutely right, Carolina, I love sipping my tea, I love smelling it. I love using all my senses as I’m drinking my tea because it grounds me it’s like not worrying about anything else in this world. I’m into my zone, I always call it but also that journaling. And I’m putting that ledger together and put what you’ve done for yourself today, and what you’ve done for your caregiver. And if it’s not balancing, that’s something that you should be raising your awareness and saying there’s something wrong, I’m doing everything for someone, but nothing for me. And that’s really important to understand. So I love how you reflected back on our past webinars. But I also think these are really, really important and knowing how witnesses for self. So I’ll let melody speak now. Thank you.
MP:
Absolutely. Thank you, Pati. I absolutely agree. I love one thing that I really love about the tools that we shared is that we each have a favorite right, we came together and we said what are some things that we want to share. And we we wanted to share with some of our favorites and some of the ones that really worked best for us, right? But there are others out there too. So I do encourage you as well to find things that work for you. If maybe very few or none of the ones that we provided work for you. I encourage you to look up things and and really seeing what works for you as an individual. Because again, mindfulness is something that we each approach differently. So I want you to approach mindfulness the way that feels right for you. So if journaling is not your thing, or tea or coffee is not your thing. I do want to encourage you to think about just other things that are your things and how can you use them to really just highlight your day and and just taking that moment to take just taking that moment for yourself as an individual I don’t want you to take the time for yourself as a caregiver but more so apt for yourself as an individual as a human being with your own personal needs and wants and desires.
CL:
Exactly and I’ll chime in Melodie because Deborah put in the chat she didn’t always know why she was reacting or so reflecting later or after helped her understand. For example, She was afraid of what others might think Oh, her boys behaviors or maybe I felt like a failure so reflecting helped me see the moment differently and that is so wonderful and thank you again Deborah for sharing and yes we all struggle with with with children and maybe what are others going to think but as long as you are doing your very best, that is all you could do great and kids are gonna be kids they’re gonna misbehave diagnosis or not. Again I will share my daughter was the one that would throw herself in the middle of anywhere on the floor in a tantrum. And yes, as as as a therapist as a counselor as a human being you are embarrassed I would turn red purple and green and everybody that would walk by I will tell them she’s having a moment but she’s okay you know, so that was my disclaimer for for it was oh I want to say was over two years are terrible twos lasted a little bit. So I understand where where you could feel like oh my goodness, what am I doing wrong? But absolutely not. It is what are you doing to to continue to be a caregiver and to continue to deal with those behaviors and really improving yourself and for for your boys. And Montgomery also shared finding your glimmers activities that calm you emotionally thank you.
MP:
So this brings us here to just some other like more, like additional tools that you could add to your toolkit, right. And the first one we have here is agreeing with your care recipient, right, avoiding disagreeing. Just because at the end of the day, only you will be frustrated and I love the example that even Carolina gave right thinking of working with children. Sometimes you just have to agree and sometimes you just have to let them have their moment right Karolina because yeah, like if you’re trying to rationalize with someone who’s not in a rational state at that moment, only you become frustrated. And of course, that affects you a lot more than it would affect them. So I love I always love thinking about this one. And even when you thinking about if you think about this, as in you’re caring for adults, let’s say for example, someone with Alzheimer’s, right? Sometimes they might not, or dementia, maybe even they might not even realize that what they’re saying makes absolutely no sense right? Or they might not realize how what they’re saying might not be rational. And if you sit there trying to rationalize with someone who really cannot really think rationally, only you become frustrated as we’ve as we’ve been saying, so definitely keeping that in mind and being mindful of that.
PF:
Thank you Melodie. For the second one it says divert the conversation choose something more pleasurable, right. So I believe that when your conversations not going well it doesn’t you know for children or adults if it’s not going well between you and your loved ones change the conversation into a more pleasant you know, pleasure conversation, enjoying each other’s company. This will help reduce your stress situations between you and the and the one you’re caring for. Sometimes we get stuck and know this and raising your awareness of this and not become frustrated like Melodie just sell on first one is just it’s easier just to change the conversation into more of a pleasurable one. So I think that’s that’s another good tool to do. And be kind. Carolina?
CL:
Yes and definitely you want to be able to praise and care encourage your care recipient and really avoid a condescending language or just absolute language. So being able to, to positive reinforce. So let’s say in the case of children, you want to be able to positively reinforce the good behavior because sometimes when what happens is as parent or as caregivers, when a child is being good or they’re behaving well they’re They’re doing something positive, we tend to say, let’s leave them alone. They’re having a good moment, right? But that’s really the the moment to intervene and say, Wow, what a great job you’re doing. And, and have them to continue to do that, right? So we want to be able to praise and encourage that positive behavior that wanted behavior. And that not so much we want to redirect, right, we’re not going to ignore it, especially when it has to do with safety. But definitely, we want to redirect my, my grandma was one that that would often she, she passed in her 90s, not too long ago, but she would always say I don’t want to be around those old people, and we would tell her grandma, but look at you. And of course, instead of telling her but look at your age, we would say Okay, grandma, we understand your you know, we would say you’re too sassy for them, or we would just kind of you know, go along with it. But it was it was quite funny how she still thought of herself as she was just as young as can be. Right? So we never argued with her, we would just laugh and be like, be nines. Don’t say that, you know, but it was it was quite comical. So being able to just praise and encourage that, that wanted behavior or that positive behavior and move it along. Right.
PF:
And be kind like a positive reinforcement. Like, as a caregiver, sometimes we get become frustrated. And we may like, we need to raise our awareness as to what your loved ones can do, instead of forcing someone to do a task that you know, in a, you know, that they just can’t. So understanding that and stepping back and after giving them like say a task and looking at it, and you could tell they become frustrated, maybe for children that have you know, maybe someone that has ADHD or you know, ASD these labels, right? Or anyone that if they just cannot do it, instead of becoming frustrated, just just be aware of that and give them something that they can do and they feel like a net like Carolina was just saying praising and encouraging them and making them you know, everyone to be kind and understanding instead of forcing them do an activity, they just can’t do.
CL:
Thank you, Pati. And another piece is really avoid triggering language. And this one in particular could be tailored again to both whether older adults suffering from dementia, or Alzheimer’s, or even children, instead of if they want to talk about something, just sort of go with it. And if it’s something maybe that that’s not appropriate, or it’s something that’s triggering for them, turn it around, you know, talk about maybe old memories, if it’s somebody with dementia, show pictures, you know, take time out of your day to reminisce and really talk about whatever it is that they want to talk about. And if it’s children, then really being at their level and getting down to what they want to play, even if it means going down on the floor with them you’re able to write so it’s really meeting your care recipient where they’re at. But and learning to have fun, it doesn’t have to be serious all the time. Right. So trying to do some of these things and again, we go back to being kind kind to yourself first and foremost, and to your care recipient. Melodie I don’t know if we wanted to add anything.
MP:
No, I think I think you ladies covered it wonderfully. These are some some of the things that we’ve brought up before in our past webinars if you’ve been here with us before, and we really wanted to kind of like reiterate that and like just, you know, a reminder, this is one thing that we really want to leave you with. So I think you ladies did wonderful covering them.
CL:
And I wasn’t sure if Deborah do you have a question? Are you agreeing? I think it’s a high fine. She agrees Okay.
MP:
Thank you Carolina. So this brings us here now to really embracing diversity. And I know that last week, we spoke about just the different ways that culture, you know, impacts or effects, caregiving, and just the ideology surrounding caregiving. Right. So we spoke about really just being respectful, right? Being curious about just people who may be or may not be different than you just really being open to receiving the information. and also providing information about your own cultural background, and also reconsidering stereotypes that you might have grown up with, or that you might have, that you might hold yourself. Right? And I always say, like, try to try to be in a space of neutrality when it comes to that, right? Yes, maybe you grew up with these stereotypes. But now that you’re now that we’re here, right, and you’re no longer a child, and we were adults, and we’re able to think for ourselves, I’m not saying that you have to move the complete opposite end of the spectrum when it comes to those stereotypes, but maybe even trying to nudge yourself towards like, just neutrality, right, and being a more accepting and welcoming and inviting person, right. I also talked about just educating and empowering this webinar was really geared to educate and empower us caregivers, right? I’m really educating you about just why self care is important, and the different things that you could do, related to self care and also empower you as, as an individual, right, your your human being, as I mentioned before, with your own needs, and although you’re a caregiver that really comes second to the person that you are and that you were born to be great. Caregiving is something that you do, but it doesn’t necessarily have to be what defines you. 24/7, right. Also, the last week, we talked about just being open minded, right about foods, traditions, customs, attires, holidays, and celebrations and even music. And, and I know last week, we really, we really spent some time talking about these and really giving examples about these. But I just really always think that you know, diversity should be shouldn’t be something that’s in every space, including the caregiving space, right. And I think, as we were talking about diversity, we really did not find much that connected diversity and caregiving, very few things. We’re bringing up diversity in the caregiving space. So we really wanted to educate and empower you all about just really how important it is to embrace that diversity for a happy and healthy life with your care recipient and with other in also in your other relationships in life. Right? It doesn’t just have to be related to caregiving. This is just really a general thing.
CL:
Yeah. I don’t know if you ladies would like to add anything.
PF:
Melodie, I loved last week’s webinar when you explained all this in depth, so thank you for sharing it again. And I really enjoyed this.
CL:
Thank you. Absolutely. And Montgomery put in the chat as well having empathy and yes, definitely that that is a big part of it. Right? having empathy for yourself and for others.
MP:
Absolutely, yes, I love that you said self Karolina right. Because I feel like when people think empathy, they, they, they automatically think of others, right being like, being empathic to others, but also having that empathy for yourself. And really treating yourself with that grace, again, can go a long way. Because we’re often very hard on ourselves as as care givers. We always feel like we could be doing better. But I want us to remember that we’re all just out here doing our absolute best. And your best is, is good enough. So treat yourself with that grace, be empathic towards self. And hopefully that empathy will also kind of like, distribute and kind of like, bleed into your other other relationships in life as well. Deborah, here added a comment she says I, I have been an advocate for my son and those affected with FASD ADHD and ASD in school and community social norms. Social norms versus neurodiversity. Yes, we have an advocate among us. So absolutely. Thank you for sharing that. Deborah. I myself am a big advocate when it comes to marginalized populations. So yes, yes, advocacy is is so extremely important. Thank you for for the work that you do.
PF:
So Melodie, Carolina, and I wanted to share this beautiful quote from Audrey Hepburn and it says you have two hands, one to your help yourself, and one to help others. So we thought that was just a great quote to summarize all our webinars about, you know, understanding how important it is for self care. So we wanted to thank you I’m on the next slide. Before we go on towards q&a, we just wanted to share our contact information about the three of us if you need it, you could email us call us. But we’ll be there. So thank you.
CL:
Yeah, so we want to thank everybody for coming. And we’re gonna get into the q&a portion of the webinar, but I think Meladie’s gonna share some information prior.
MP:
Yes, yes. Thank you, ladies. So thank you again for joining us tonight. This is our fifth and final webinar. So we will be sending out a post webinar survey. So please take some time to complete it to let us know just some information about what you’ve learned. And also, I encourage you to add it in the chat. What are some things you’ve learned throughout these webinars? With us? It doesn’t have to be specifically today’s it can be if you have attended others, if there are any things that stood out to you please let us know so that we can continue doing those. And yes, and please, please, please take some time to complete the survey when you do receive it in your inbox. And that’s really it for us tonight will now open it up to our q&a session.
SW:
Thank you guys so much. Okay, so for the first question we have this evening for the q&a portion. The first question is, could a loved one help tell when you are burned out?
MP:
I think I can definitely answer this one. I absolutely believe that if if a loved one knows you well enough, they might see the signs before you do, right. But I do think that it’s important to be aware of it right. So having a loved one to to remind you or to say Hey, you, you look really tired or something like that is and maybe you weren’t thinking about it as burnout, maybe you were just thinking, I’m just having a moment, I’m just not feeling well, these last couple of days. So having a loved one who knows you really well to bring it up and bring it to your awareness is absolutely significant. And that’s why we talked about just having a support system, right? People who really love and care for you, and who can actually identify those moments before you even can identify them. And we’re really talking about this so that hopefully you can identify it in yourself and not necessarily need someone to, to point it out. Right. And usually when others are pointing it out, it’s a lot. It’s a lot later than when you possibly could have realized it. So definitely being aware of what burnout is, what are the symptoms, what are the signs, I think that’s extremely important so that you can be the first one to identify that. And if you and if it falls between the cracks, because you’re so busy, and you’re not really caring for yourself, then yes, absolutely have been a loved one, remind you or let you know, or bringing it to your awareness. That’s definitely something that can be useful and valuable.
PF:
And I agree with your Melodie, that that’s important because the loved ones do see, they may see you daily, they may see that you’re becoming constantly just being with that loved one taking care of that person and seeing that maybe you’re losing the weight or you’re gaining weight or you’re being sad, or you’re not exercising or you’re not going out with friends. You’re constantly just working and working. I’m working and that’s when you know, but like Melody said, raising you know, going through these webinars and raising your own awareness is so important. But yes, I do believe that your loved ones can see if you’re starting to burnout.
SW:
So for our second question, can diet contribute to burnout?
CL:
That’s an interesting one. Well, definitely. I’m a firm believer that that what we how we fuel our body is is going to impact how we feel. So definitely if you you know you’re eating on the healthier side, veggies fruits, proteins, you know, depending on if you have any dietary restrictions, you’re gonna feel better than if you’re having doughnut for breakfast or fried foods or fast foods. That that would be definitely in general. Just overall aside just from burnout, but just your overall well being just what we feel our bodies with is going to have an impact on how we feel and how we react. Pati, Melodie and if you have anything else Yes, I
MP:
definitely agree on what you Carolina I think that when a lot of times as caregivers we again, we neglect self we don’t think about we don’t think about ourselves and what we will eat. Maybe we plan the whole day for our care recipient, what will feed them what will when we’ll give them their medication, however, we don’t do the same for ourselves. I mean, I remember when we were talking about self care, I brought up like it could be the end of the day and that’s when you’re realizing oh wow, I haven’t even had a sip of water right. So really being mine Full of how important it is to to fuel your body, it can definitely be helpful to avoid burnout. And I also want to say we usually tend to gravitate towards fast foods and donuts when we’re really in a rush, and we’re really just starving. And at that point, like, it’s just like, let me just eat whatever I can get my hands on. But really planning it for yourself the same way you’re planning it for your care recipient can really be helpful in the long run when it comes to your own diet or eating schedules and routines.
SW:
Okay, for our last question, do you have any tips for making sure I remember to use my tools when I need them?
PF:
Another great question, right? So we get to a point in life that we’re overwhelmed. It’s something that maybe that may help is to think about it constantly. Like, before going to bed, think of all the good things that happened to you that day, or, you know, kind of constantly remind yourself of, how was my day thinking about today? And then say, What could I have used? Or thinking about the next day? What could I have done better? Constantly, you know, raising that awareness in yourself and understanding what tools you could have used and, and use them, you know, but it’s something that you need just to read, we read maybe, you know, put little stickers by your bed or, you know, things that you will remember things like the tools.
MP:
Yes, I have to agree with you, Pati, I think I think with using using anything using the tools and using mindfulness and using any of the things that we introduced you to will take some some practice, right? It will take some getting used to if it’s not something that you were doing before, now, it’s going to have to be something that you’re intentional about, like I have to take care of this, I have to take care of myself, I have to use these tools, right. And the more you do it, the more they become second nature, right? I know for myself, before I was into I got into mindfulness when I was a lot a lot younger way before high school. And for me at first it was in a way a little like ridiculous, like, what am I doing? Am I really feeling anything right now, right? But as time has gone on, and I’ve practiced these things, now they are second nature. And sometimes I’ll even catch myself doing a mindfulness exercise without even actually like, thinking about it a lot. First, I’ll just like, stop and take that deep breath. And I was like, oh, okay, that’s me using one of my tools, I got this, right. So absolutely practicing is what’s going to continue making it more like more familiar and more included as part of your day, right? Like Pati said, like, being intentional about thinking about it in the morning thinking about it at night before it just reflecting. Can can be can be such a such a valuable thing.
CL:
Personally, I agree with everything you both have shared, it’s you have to make it part of that everyday routines and activities, right. And Montgomery shared we can look at it through a lens of dimension of wellness of the diet and nutritional balance, stress can increase. Thank you was referring back to the question before. So thank you for cheering gum rain. But But definitely, you know, mindfulness is one of those things that just like when you’re learning to ride a bike, or when you’re exercising, the more you practice, the better you get at it, right? Let’s think of yoga. Just do that. The first thing that came to my mind when I started practicing yoga, and to this, I can’t do half of stuff. But the more you do it little by little you, you get a little better. And it’s not about perfection, but it’s just about being again, being mindful and being intentional about what you’re doing. Right. And the more you practice these tools and these mindfulness activities, the better you’ll get at it.
SW:
Thank you guys, I’m going to refer back to you for any closing remarks or final thoughts before we end our webinar.
CL:
No, we just want to thank everybody who has taken the time and has taken this journey with us and we truly appreciate it. You know if if there’s any other topics or anything that you would like to learn about or to delve into, please feel free to reach out to any one of us. And I think Melodie you may be putting the survey again. So I’ll let the lady speak. Thank you everyone for coming.
MP:
Thank you Carolina and as I mentioned before, we are so so so so grateful for every single one of you whether you attended just one or attended all five thank you for taking the time I we know as caregivers, your time is valuable and the fact that you have spent the past five Wednesday’s with us, you know, here we We cannot, again, express our gratitude enough. And really to close this off again, we will be sharing a survey of post webinar survey for, for you to let us know what you learned what you liked, what, what, what didn’t What wasn’t so helpful, so that we can do better next time, right. So thank you again. And please take the time to complete the survey. I’ll pass it over to Pati.
PF:
And I also just want to ditto those two ladies, I loved working with these ladies, I love working with different brains through this webinar. But we do really want to thank all of you for attending. This was amazing to us. And I hope you got as much out of it as we did. And yes, I know one of you is going off to bed now. So thank you all we really do. We’re blessed to have met all of you and thank you and good night.
SW:
Thank you to our amazing presenters and thank you everyone for attending. Please Visit differentbrains.org for more content and resources related to caregiving, as well as many other topics. We will be sharing links and contact information for everyone in the chat bots and on the screen. From everyone here at Different Brains: Goodnight
