Caregiving and Cultural Diversity | DB Caregiver Webinar Series pt.4
Caregiving and Cultural Diversity
DifferentBrains.org is excited to present our 5 part webinar series for caregivers. Part 4 addresses cultural diversity to promote inclusion, equity, and justice in caregiving.
For other installments: part 1 / part 2 / part 3 / part 5
–ABOUT OUR HOSTS–
CAROLINA LEON, LMHC, LMFT, NCC, QS: “I have been practicing since 2013, working with children, families, and at-risk youth in various settings. I specialize in helping neurodiverse children, couples with communication or trauma issues, and families in the court system. As a dually licensed Mental Health and Marriage and Family therapist, I am also a Qualified Supervisor and National Certified Counselor. My therapeutic approach is tailored to the individual or family’s needs, drawing from frameworks such as Solution Focused, CBT, Gottman, and Bowen theory. Outside of work, I enjoy spending time with loved ones, including my English bulldog Chunky, and I am currently pursuing a Doctoral degree.”
MELODIE PLAISE, M.S.: Melodie Plaise earned a bachelor’s in psychology with a minor in Africana Studies, as well as a master’s in clinical psychology from Barry University. Melodie is currently pursuing a doctorate in counseling with a specialization in Marital, Couple, and Family Counseling. She serves as the Founding President of the University’s NAACP chapter and focuses her research on the historic marginalization of minority populations. Outside of school, she organizes and serves with community advocacy groups to promote equity and justice. In addition, she works to decolonize and destigmatize mental healthcare through her practice.
PATI FIZZANO, M.S.: “I received my undergraduate degree from Florida Atlantic University as an Exceptional Student Educator (ESE) with an ASD, autism spectrum disorder endorsement. With over 15 years of experience working with teens diagnosed with High-Functioning Autism, I attended Lynn University and graduated with honors as a Clinical Mental Health Counselor. My clinical passion and professional niche in working with people with autism spectrum disorder (ASD) and their loved ones grew into my passion. I wanted to begin raising awareness to support this population through writings and research and co-wrote Aspertools: The Practical Guide for Understanding and Embracing Asperger’s Autism SpectrumDisorders, and Neurodiversity with Dr. Hackie Reitman, founder of Different Brains. Presently, I am a doctoral student at Barry University in their Family and Marriage Counseling Program to grasp a deeper understanding in supporting families and caregivers that have been touched with autism.”
TRANSCRIPTION
Note: the following transcription was automatically generated. Some imperfections may exist.
SARAI WELCH (SW):
Welcome to the Different Brains Speaker Series and the fourth installment of our webinar series for caregivers. Different Brains is a nonprofit that strives to encourage understanding and acceptance of neurodiversity. Our mission has three pillars, one to mentor neurodiverse adults, and maximize their potential for employment and independence, to to increase awareness of neurodiversity, by producing media, and three to foster the new generation of neuro divergent self advocates. Here are different brains, we promote awareness through the production of a variety of media content, including our Video, Web Series, blogs, podcasts, and documentaries, all available for free on our website. All of our content is worked on by those in the mentorship program, through which we aid individuals and taking the first step towards achieving their goals and finding their voice. To find more information or to make a tax deductible donation, please visit our website differentbrains.org. Before we start, I want to invite everyone to send questions using the q&a feature in zoom, or by putting questions in the chat box. This webinar will have live closed captioning, which can be controlled using the CC button on your zoom dashboard. And now I’m one handed over to Melodie.
MELODIE PLAISE (MP):
Thank you, Sarai. Good evening, everyone. Thank you for joining us tonight for our fourth if you’ve been with us for the past couple of weeks. This is you know, this is our fourth installment of the webinar. I’ll start sharing my screen. As we of course start with our introductions. If you have not been here before and this is your first time meeting me and seeing me my name is Melodie Plaise. I am a third year doctoral student at Baylor University, and I own a private practice that is driven by a mission to decolonize and destigmatize mental health care. I’ll pass it along to my colleague Carolina.
CAROLINA LEON (CL):
Thank you Melanie. My name is Carolina Leon. I’m also a third year doctoral student at Barry University. I also own a private practice and work mostly with special needs children and their families. I also see couples with you know, any sort of communication issues or anything that they need assistance with. We’re excited as Melodie said on our fourth webinar and look forward to engaging with everybody and I’ll pass it back to Pati.
PATI FIZZANO (PF):
Oh, thank you Carolina, Melodie. So my name is Pati Fizzana. And I’ve been working with the children and adults on the autism spectrum in the educational area for over 20 years. And I also have a private practice working with the same population of children and adults on the autism spectrum. I along with Melodie and Carolina is in a third year doctoral student at Barry University. And I am a caregiver I work on with my mother all the time. And it is a lot of work. But it’s it’s fun, and I would never give it up. So back to Melodie.
MP:
Thank you, Pati. So I invite everyone to also share who’s with share your identity, who are you let us know who’s in the space with us in the chat. And what also what you’d like to get from this webinar, we invite you to do that as we move into our mindfulness exercise for today. So today, well, if you’ve been here with us before, if if this is your events like second or third, or actually fourth webinar with us, you know that we usually start with a mindfulness activity. So today we’ll be discussing, of course, caregiving and cultural diversity. So we want to release it and I know that can be a cultural diversity can be a really heavy topic at times. So I really want to as we’ve started all of our webinars in the past with a mindfulness activity, we want to start this one as well with a mindfulness activity. And this activity really requires just 30 minutes of your time. I mean, 30 seconds, not 30 minutes, 30 seconds or more it can be as long as you want it to be right. But for the purpose of tonight, I want to just make it 30 seconds. And it’s it’s mindful listening. So in the next 30 seconds, I want you to sit quietly, as comfortably as you can close or lower your eyes if you need to and really see try to list five things that you can hear right. So I can give an example for myself right now. I can hear the AC rumbling right. That’s one thing that I could that I can learn straight. So in the next 30 seconds, I invite you to list five or as many things as you can hear for in the moment. I love these because you can you can make them as long or as short as you like. And it really brings you to the here and now. It brings you to the moment what are some things? What are what I mean? What am I hearing in my surroundings right now? Right? I would love to invite my co panelists to jump in and share with me maybe even one thing that you maybe listen for, or maybe altogether How was this exercise for you?
PF:
Thank you, Melodie. I really enjoy these exercises because it gives us a time right and learning these. But for me, i i You know, I was sitting here in silence. But hearing the fan my ceiling fan. I just heard it like going around very quietly, but that’s what I was hearing.
MP:
Yeah, imagine just sitting there and listening to it for longer, right. Like know how soothing that can be right. Thank you for sharing Carolina.
CL:
So I’m gonna echo that with with with Pati. It’s very hot. So my family’s going very, very high. But I wasn’t I wasn’t really focusing too much on the fan. I was hearing my daughter and my niece playing and laughing. And so for me, you know, it’s very light in the background. But for me, that’s I love that right. I love hearing when kids are smiling and just playing. And I also wanted to chime in that Nicolas, Nicolas says he’s from different brains. He’s an intern. And he’s here to show us show support. So thank you for the support, as well as Flora Alba, she mentioned great webs. So great webinars. Thank you so much for your support. So we appreciate everyone who chimes in.
MP:
Absolutely. Thank you. And I also invite you to let us know in the in the chat too, like how was this mindfulness exercise for you? What is maybe one thing, or one of the five things that you listen for? Right? Let us know. We’ll we’ll of course check the chat periodically as we’re going through the material. So earlier, as I mentioned, we’ll be discussing today, caregiving and cultural diversity. Right. So on the agenda, of course, we just had our wonderful mindfulness exercise. We’ll also briefly discuss why is this important? Why should we discuss this? Why Why should this be a topic of conversation, right? I also want to get into caregiver identity. I also want to go beyond race and gender. Tonight, we’ll also talk about formal versus informal caregiving, or both, right, because it’s possible to be both. We’ll also talk about culture and caregiving as a whole. Lastly, we’ll talk about embracing diversity, we’ll give you some reminders. And of course, we’ll open it up to the q&a. So as things come up for you, please feel free to add them in the chat. If you have any questions, feel free to add them in the q&a. And let’s get started. All right. So why is this important, right? We know that being culturally aware and sensitive helps avoid cultural misunderstandings, right. And we can also apply that to a caregiving relationship because it helps avoid those cultural misunderstandings within relationships within groups within communities. So within the community of caregiving and caregivers, we also want to be able to continue that in that realm in that space, right. Secondly, we want we know that embracing cultural diversity creates harmony and in the caregiving space. And lastly, we also know that engaging in conversations about cultural diversity promote inclusion and belonging for minority caregivers and just minorities in general or minority care recipients as well. All right, so just I, I did some research and I wanted to get some statistics and and really see what was out there. And I do want to put a disclaimer out there that this data is from 2015. Because this is a survey that is completed every 10 years so the next one will be in 2025 which is why this is a little outdated. However, this is what we have for now. On Till 2025, at least right. So as I was doing the research, I found out that 75% of caregivers identify as women, right? And I don’t think that’s shocking. We we tend to we do tend to see a lot of women within within the space of caregiving right. The second thing I looked into was a caregiver racial identity. Right. So we just spoke about gender identity, I looked into racial, I looked into racial identity as well. And the data is showing that 62% of caregivers identify as white, while 13% identify as African American 17% as Hispanic, and 6% as Asian American. And we my my co host, and I, we were discussing just like how shocking these, these statistics were to us. So I would love to invite them to also share just their thoughts about the statistics. While I also want to bring up the question that is on this slide. That’s something we’ll we’ll of course get to, but in the meantime, I do want to give them the floor to to discuss this.
CL:
Now, thank you, Melodie, definitely. One of the things we spoke about amongst the three of us was, we wondered how many are aware this statistics sort of came from and how many were under reported? Right. So how many caregivers are family members that maybe they don’t realize their caregivers, right, and how maybe that’s where you see the underrepresentation or over representation of the caregivers. I think as well as how do you identify beyond a caregiver for for myself, it’s a Hispanic female. Right? So sort of the same scenario we’re talking about earlier melody where you know, gender, and culture. So that’s sort of what came up for me. I don’t know, Pati, if you want to share anything else.
PF:
Thank you. So as a caregiver, thanks, Carolina as a caregiver, I am white. And I don’t know, and this is what we spoke about to if it’s paid or unpaid, these these statistics, right. So I don’t know if I would fall into the 62%. But even as a caregiver for my mother, I also need support. So I always like, you know, try to get help from me too. So it’s not 24/7 around the clock for me. So we are shocked. But like we were saying it was a few years ago, things have changed. And it’s like I think Melodie, you were saying it’s every four years or every five years, it’s just ticks come out?
MP:
Every 10 Like, like, like the census. So it’s just really fun to collect data on caregivers. Yeah, so yeah, this is a bit outdated. And I’ll also want to look into how my like, it’s a lot less reported within minority populations, right, we see African American, Hispanic and Asian American or their low, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that that they’re not out there actually caring for, you know, a care recipient or even a family member, but not really getting paid for it. So there might be minority caregivers out there who, you know, this is my duty, this is something I meant to do. And they don’t necessarily consider themselves caregiver or don’t even label themselves as caregivers. Right. So I wanted to bring that up. And regarding the question, I wanted to I wanted to bring a hypothetical case tonight, just really to connect the dots. So I know I know. Of course, this is a webinar for caregivers. So if you’re in this space, you’re likely to be a caregiver. And I wanted as Carolina mentioned, I wanted you to think about how do you identify beyond the caregiver yourself. And that is regarding gender, and race, of course, but I also want us to think about this hypothetical case that I have. So let’s say for example, to answer the question, our caregiver is a black woman who is very religious, we can keep it at that and we’ll continue building off of that throughout this. So keep that in mind. Our hypothetical caregiver is a black woman who is extremely religious. Alright, so I also looked into caregiver affectional identity, and affectionally identity really just means Who are you attracted to? romantically? Are you a male attracted to female? Are you female attracted to male? Are you male, attracted to male and all of that? So the data really shows that 9% of caregivers identified as LGBTQ, and that stands from either lesbian bisexual I’m gay, I’m transgender or queer. Now we want to go beyond race right beyond gender race, we spoke about gender race. And of course, we just discussed affectional identity. But there are many, many, many other things that one can use to be identified right beyond just your race and your and your gender. And that can be your ability or disability. Right? Again, we spoke about affectional identity already. It could also be your age, it could be your country of origin, culture, even your education, faith, or your religion. Your relationship status, social economic status, and even your weight and height are part of what makes your identity as as us as a person, right. So now I want to think about how else does our care recipient identify right? Our hypothetical care recipient to our black female religious caregiver, let’s say for example, we have a white male who identifies as a member of the LGBTQ, let’s say, for example, he identifies as gay, right, so he is a white male, who is a care recipient. And he’s also identifies as gay, and we have a caregiver who is black, a female, and is very religious. So keeping those three identifiers in mind for each person. And the goal is to take about differences, right, not just gender differences, race differences, and also affectional identity differences within the caregiving space. So the the the third identifier, or fourth identifier that I really want to focus on tonight is formal and informal caregivers, right. So formal caregivers are actual paid providers of care, right. And they can be in a home, they can be in a daycare, and all those other forms of care settings. And then we also have informal caregivers who are unpaid individuals who are just involved in and in providing that care, right? It can be a family member, a spouse, a family member, a community member, a child, etc. Right? This person is not being compensated to provide that care. So now we were asking, like, is our caregiver, a formal or an informal caregiver? Right? So she is a black woman who is extremely religious now? Is she a formal caregiver or an informal caregiver? For the sake of this of this case? Let’s say she’s both right. Not only is she a formal caregiver to the care recipient that we discussed, but she also at the end of the day goes home and cares for her elderly mother. Right? So she’s both. So keeping those in mind. So so far, we are at a black, female, religious, formal, and informal caregiver. And we have a white male who identifies as gay as the care recipient. So why are we bringing these up? Right? Why, why the why the identity of the caregiver, why the identity of the care recipient, right, and it’s really to highlight just cultural differences that may exist in each culture and each and each just each individual’s lives. Right. And I’ll pass it to Karolina because, of course, you, you, you, you discuss this really well. So I’ll pass it to you. And then we’ll continue the conversation with our caregiver and care recipient.
CL:
Thanks, Melodie. So like Melodie was saying what, you know, I invite everybody to think about what are those culture expectations that you have in your own culture? How do they influence or impact caregiving? Whether you’re formal or an informal caregiver? What are what are those core cultural dynamics or cultural I guess, experiences that have been ingrained to you? And I invite you to challenge some of those, or maybe some of those cultural norms that that you have been accustomed to Right? Or that are very strict to your own culture. And maybe they mesh or do not with caregiving, what are those cultural and generational values and norms that define you or your family? And do they influence or not the way you provide caregiving, as well as do you provide caregiving from a collectivistic culture? Does that does that resonate with you? Or? Or is it more of an individualistic culture? So just think about how how do these? How do these terms that you see on the screen impact or not the way you provide caregiving, right? Or how you seek caregiving? Oh, are there cultural expectations within your own family of origin? That that is expected, you know, and I always go back to my grandma, just because that’s, that’s my, my clear example, my mom is one of four. But she was the caregiver. Now, I don’t know that she identified as such, it’s just an alcohol in our culture. That is, that is what’s expected. One of the women are expected to care for their loved ones. And so it is a very gendered roles specific sort of culture. And and that’s just part of it. Right? And so I invite you to challenge that and sort of just acknowledge, do you have any of those sorts of cultural norms or expectations within your system? And Pati, I don’t know if you want to add anything or Melodie. Sure.
PF:
Thank you Carolina, it’s so for me. I grew up with my grandmother living with us. And my mother took care of my grandmother, because my mother was the only child. And my grandmother took care of her mother. So it’s been a generational, but culturally, because from, you know, my ancestors are from Italy. And they, they just, that’s what they do, they just take care of their family members. And years and years ago, they didn’t have the homes that, you know, individuals can put their families and so I grew up knowing that I’m the only girl in our family that I would be taking care of my mother, you know, and my mother is now 90 years old. So for me, it came in as that was no choice I just knew and you know, and it’s okay, I’m okay with this. But I do feel that if I had to put my mother in a home, I kind of threw my cultural would fit culture would feel guilty, you know, a little bit of guilt. But I enjoy my mother, I just, you know, I know that there’s boundaries for it. And I have to, you know, respect that. And my mother, you know, and I do get, you know, have people helping me, but I do think that seeing this slide, it was it was expected of me, she would have lived with me over my three brothers. So and that’s okay. So back to you Carolina.
CL:
Thanks, Pati and I think of as well, I’m back home where I’m from, there’s not really, at least when when I lived there, there wasn’t this norm of you place people in homes as they get older. The the kickback is that, you know, the elderly are sort of you look up to them. And you see this a lot as well. And like, you know, indigenous cultures like the the elderly are really revered and worshipped. And they have all of the wisdom. So, you know, I wonder and I invite everyone to think about what that would look like. And if it was, you know, if it’s something that you you can kind of see. And I know there’s there’s circumstances for everything, and sometimes a home is the only option. But what would it look like if it wasn’t just one person providing the caregiving but it’s a community or a family that’s able to provide support for the caregiver, and for the care recipient. Okay, get back to Melodie.
MP:
Thank you Carolina. Thank you, Pati. That was like very, like very insightful, very like, just like thought provoking. Really, because as you both were speaking, what I was thinking about is just really like, I invite you to think about how does your culture view caregiving, right is caregiving. Maybe the responsibility of someone else is caregiving. In your culture? Is it like an expectation that the child takes care of their parent, right, or? Or is it something that’s even passed? Like Patti was saying, is it something that’s been passed generationally, even, you know, mom took care of grandma, and now she’s taking care of mom. And it will continue generationally until it is brought to your awareness, right. You don’t realize that that’s the thing until you bring up the conversation and you actually talk about it. And this is really something that is prevalent in minority populations to begin with, right? To be specific, African American communities, Hispanic communities, Asian American communities, right. There’s this expectation to take care of your elderly you take care of them without pay without benefits, right. The even when I was doing the research, I I found that minority populations are also less likely to use paid care services like they’re less likely to say no. Like, we have a cousin who can, who can take care of him instead of actually finding a professional that they can pay. Right. And that’s cultural. Right. And earlier, Karolina was talking about collectivistic culture, right and collectivistic culture is really, every, it’s a collective, everyone is working for the betterment of us, all right. Anything you do is very, I guess, like involved like it’s very community are very collectively based, right? So you’re, you’re always taught to maybe like, think of yourself last in a way because you have to think of the collective right. Thinking about your elders thinking about your parents thinking about them before you think about your own well being as a caregiver, right, let’s say for example, culturally, are you come from a culture that is like a marginalized culture, maybe not even a marginalized culture that just have these generational values and norms regarding caregiving? And that gets passed on to you? Are you able to say no? Are you able to say, No, I am not able to take on caring for this person right now. Right? Because a lot of the research was saying that culturally minority populations especially, they don’t feel that they can say no, right, and Pati was just talking about feeling guilty. So things like guilt and not being able to say no, all of these things, of course, play a factor in overall well being and emotional, emotional well being as well. So again, I invite you to think about what are these cultural norms within within your family related to caregiving? And you can also feel free to share in the chat or share questions if you feel compelled to. Thank you for this insightful conversation, ladies. So now, we really come to this page, right? So this the slide, talking about embracing diversity as a whole. And the reason really is, if we’re thinking back to our case study, we’re thinking back to our minority caregiver who identifies as a black, a black woman, who’s also very religious, and also is a formal and informal caregiver. Right. And we also have an A minority care recipient as well, because he is, yes, he is white, which hold some privilege, however, his age, right. And he, he’s also a man, so he’s a white man, there’s privilege there. There’s, there’s access there. However, when we look into things like age, right, and we’re also looking at his situation as a care recipient having to depend on someone else, right? That, that puts him in less of a power position, and the fact that he also identifies as gay, right, that puts him in a marginalized population as well. So we have two marginalized individuals, right. But from different completely different backgrounds. Now, how do we like that harmony? I spoke about, right? How do we really get that? How do we, how do we make that happen? How do we how do we strike that balance, and it’s really by being respectful to one another, right? No matter your race, your gender, or how you identify really just being respectful towards one another, being curious about what others have to say, and where they come from, and what they do, right. Also, reconsider your stereotypes, maybe there are thoughts that have been passed on to you from generation to generation. And they’re, of course stuck with you. So like, when you see a certain population or group you have maybe have negative thoughts regarding that group or negative stereotypes that come up for you. And when they do, ask yourself, why can’t I just be neutral? We’re not asking you to be to completely go off to the other side of the spectrum. But how about just moving just a little bit towards that neutrality where you’re just, okay, I heard these stereotypes, but I know that they don’t define a collective right. Being able to ask those questions. Also being able to educate and empower others, maybe you’re from a minority population. So having these conversations and bringing it up and and talking about just cultural diversity, cultural humility, and how it can really help with just like striking that balance striking that harmony can be empowering, right? We talked about wanting to of course support Just inclusion and belonging when it comes to minority populations, right? So we want to be able to do that even in the caregiving space. We, we lastly wanted to say like be open minded about different foods, different traditions, different customs, attires holidays and celebrations, and even music. I would love of course, I think, Pati, I think you had a pretty good example, for this slide. So I’ll invite you in to share.
PF:
So one of the examples that I actually saw like a week ago is the music part, right of diversity. There was a there was a caregiver taking care of an older woman. And she’s like, they were just sitting there. And she was like, feeding her music. Like, it was like, what would you say it’s like, not rock, like a jazz beat, but it was strong. It was like in her generation, you know, because she was much younger than, you know, as, as a caregiver. She was probably in her late 20s. And she was caring for someone that was probably in their 70s or 80s. And she was just beating and drumming and it was, it was just so cute to watch. Because the the person was sitting there like not understanding it wasn’t like that type of music that she was used to. And I had, I really sat back and laughed at it, because not realizing the two probably just didn’t sink into the music part. Right? They didn’t understand and, you know, watching and being on this caregiver webinar, I’m starting to, you know, understand and see and witness more people in my area that are caregiving. And just seeing that music part really, it was it was kind of cute, but realizing as a caregiver, talking to the person, you’re taking care of making sure the music everything like, like melody was just saying, you have to embrace and understand, you know, the age but you know, just to understand and be more considerate or be more respectful of the two of you. Yeah, so I thought that was a cute little story. I’ll go back to Carolina because I think…
CL:
Thanks, Pati. No, I think I think you’re you said it right, being mindful. And I think that’s part of of some of the tools that we’ve shared here. It says, being mindful of each other’s environment. Again, I go back to my grandmother’s, because that’s, that’s my biggest takeaway and sort of experience with caregiving. And sometimes, food was big for her, you know, there were certain things she liked, some things she didn’t. So I think of the example that Melodie gave, where it’s two different cultures, and how are the care recipient and the caregiver, sort of acclimating to one another’s food if the caregiver is cooking, you know, and obviously, this is a made up scenario, but it’s something to think about, right? What are what are just something as simple as that. What are the foods that one another enjoys? And how can you find a happy medium? You know, when it comes to traditions and customs, holidays and celebrations, everybody that’s here, it’s gonna look different for everybody. Right? So how can you incorporate the care recipient and the caregiver, where there’s balance for everyone?
MP:
Thank you. Thank you. Ladies. Did you want to add something else Pati?
PF:
No, I just think that this is really a way for us as caregivers, to be mindful to to see these like the foods like Karolina was just saying, and understand and just be in my phone, like finding that happy medium. You know, especially with like, you know, every single one of those but like, I think of holidays and celebrations, because one of the women that I know, that is a caregiver, she works with someone that is Jewish, and, and she’s Catholic, so their traditions, the food, everything’s totally different. And she has to be mindful of understanding for both of them to do that happy medium. So yeah, I do like this slide. So thank you for raising our awareness on this.
MP:
Thank you for Thank you, both of you for sharing. And really, I want us to spend some time on this slide, right because that’s what this this whole conversation is about embracing this diversity. We spoke about the statistics we spoke about the facts and we spoke about informal versus and formal versus informal caregiving. Really, now is so what what what, what about the case the case right, so as I said before, we have a black female who also identifies as religious as the caregiver. We have a white male who identifies as gay, let’s say for example, as I said before, our caregiver is extremely religious, let’s say for example, because of her religion, she holds differing views of affectional identity, which I explained earlier. And then does you know, of course, the care recipient who identifies as gay, right? So, how, like, how can of course, how can that cause friction within that relationship? Right? And we don’t want that. Right. So how do we, how do we kind of like, again, just like Pati and Carolina, were saying, like, how do we meet that like happy medium, right? Like I mentioned earlier, just having like neutral opinions about things, right. We’re not necessarily asking you to endorse something that you absolutely do not believe in. However, it’s completely okay to also just be neutral. And also have conversations about it right, in a respectful way. I’m really discussing, you know, just being open and honest about just your maybe your thoughts or maybe questions you might have, right. And we also want to be careful so that these questions don’t come across as insults or slides, right. So coming from a place of just genuine curiosity and genuine like respect, can can be so helpful and can take can can go a long way. So even even going back to our case, if we think about the differing views that the care recipient holds from the caregiver, right, we also have to think about that. Maybe he doesn’t believe in religion. All right. So where does that leave them? And she’s, of course, a caregiver. If she’s there with him all the time. Maybe she needs some time to pray, and she’s extremely religious. How does he respond to that? Is he open to that? Is he does he say, okay, take your time, do your prayer. And then, you know, like, how is he with that? Does he get angry with that? Does he complain about that? Right? So it’s just like these little things. And with with even even with the care recipient, I mean, with the caregiver, are there things that are coming up for her culturally, that may be kind of like, causing some bias towards the care recipient, right. Because they’re, of course, like, as I said, before, they’re both from marginalized populations. However, they identify completely differently. So I invite everyone to really just take the time and think about how we can embrace diversity in the caregiving space. And hopefully, that can continue to trickle to to the rest of the population. Right. So thank you, ladies for engaging me in this conversation.
PF:
I have something to add to this is like a great tool to like, which opened my mind because, and raise my awareness, because when I look for other people to help, you know, and take care of someone, you know, that you love, and many of us are on this webinar is caregivers, that when you’re looking for someone, it’s a great way and a great tool to know all these all the all these things that you should know when you’re like, let’s say, interviewing someone, or talking to someone to support you, as a caregiver, as you know, for your loved one or something like that. So I think that’s important to say, because these can be brought up in the beginning. So you can, you know, balance it and, and so everything is is out there. And you would understand through like an interview, like if you’re looking for someone to support your loved ones.
CL:
And I think you bring up a good point as well, Pati, to know that it’s okay to ask for help. And you do not have to do everything alone as a caregiver. I think you’ve shared that Patty, that you do that with your mom, there’s times where you ask for help. So it’s not solely you 24/7 I know when when my mom was taking care of my grandma’s same thing, she would ask for help, because she she also had to work. So she would ask for help. And she had somebody that would come in and help and culture was that was a big part of it. Right? They had to be somebody that spoke the language that they could understand one another. So that they could they could engage in in a good in a good relationship. And sometimes food had to do with it. But my grandma was very particular. And if she didn’t like something she would say she wouldn’t, you know, she wouldn’t eat it. But the caregivers always accommodated and, you know, they, they would ask us what does she like? And it was a back and forth exchange. Right. So I think that’s that’s the key to be able to embrace diversity and just really have those open conversations where it’s a fit for everyone.
MP:
Absolutely. Thank you, ladies. Anything else we want to add before moving on? I think this brings us here right to our reminders. So throughout the series, we’ve been, of course giving you tools for your toolkit. And really this conversation about cultural diversity is a tool for your toolkit, right? Remembering and just being aware of cultural differences, and how that may affect the lives of caregivers, care recipients, and people in general, can be so extremely helpful in just every space, all spaces, I’m always pushing for just cultural awareness everywhere, not just in the workspace, right? Because I know that’s something that is heavily pushed. So yeah, so these are some of the reminders, I’ll pass it, of course, to Pati, and she can run us through some of our reminders.
PF:
Thank you, Melodie. So this is our fourth webinar. And if you have not been with us, or you can always go back onto the different brains website, and actually watch them and get all the mindfulness activities that we have done, which is really good. You know, we, hopefully many of you are, are doing the mindfulness activities, and you can chat in the chat room and open up to see, hey, are you doing it? What’s working for you, we would love to hear from you. The one part I love that melody wrote was having a healthy dose of laughter I think that’s so important. Because you can become so frustrated, right? You it gets to a point like oh, no, something else is coming up. And just just stop and just laugh. You know, laughter is is a really good medicine, right? Set your boundaries, making sure you’re working as much on yourself as you are. And we did a tool last, like a week ago or two weeks ago on writing the things down that you’ve done for the ones that you’re taking care of, and what have you done for yourself to see if that’s balancing. So those that was a really good tool that we were adding to your toolkit, reclaiming your identity, don’t get so lost in in someone else, always think of yourself too, because you do have to take care of yourself. Before you can take care of others, it would be very difficult, like we have used this strategy prior to this, about you know, when you’re on an airplane, and they always say put the oxygen mask on you before you put it on your child, or the one you’re taking care of right? eating right, taking care of yourself, getting getting enough sleep, even exercising, taking a walk, you know, and that’s not just for you, it’s also maybe for the person you’re taking care of take them for walks, make them eat, right, you know, drink your water and stuff like that. But don’t ever forget to ask for help if you need it. That’s one strategy that we have really been talking about every single week on this webinar, is making sure that it’s okay to ask for help. Right. So and like I said, you can go back onto the different brains website actually click and watch these videos again and, and use those mindfulness activities and getting an adding to these these tools to help you be you know, be okay. So Carolina, do you have anything to say?
CL:
No, Pati, I think I think like you said earlier, just go back on Different Brains website, you know, reach out to any one of us if you want to practice any of these things and and continue to take care of selves so that you can continue to be a caregiver.
MP:
Right, and also having these conversations right. Of course, we talked about setting boundaries. And that includes with with identity as well, we talked about reclaiming your identity, not just your identity as a caregiver, but your identity as a person, right. So just all these things that we’ve been talking about throughout the week, and even throughout this tonight, this webinar. I think these are all like great tools that you can add to your toolkit just for a happier, healthier and more open and honest relationships and conversations. Right. So I this really brings us to our q&a session. So thank you for of course taking the time to attend. Please make sure you add your questions in the chat and we’re going to answer them right now. Thank you.
SW:
Thank you guys so much. Okay, we’re gonna go ahead and get into our q&a. Our first question is, how can you tell if it is appropriate to share aspects of your identity without crossing boundaries?
MP:
I think that’s an amazing question. I think really sharing about your identity is is is something that you should feel comfortable with. Right? That’s, that’s the first part. It’s something that you should feel compelled to do. Um, and really regarding like, the not without crossing boundaries portion, as long as sharing portions of your identity is not coming from a place of, of malice or a place of bad intent. And really allowing it to come up naturally in conversations is usually the best way, right? Not going around and just advertising and just letting people know like what your identity is like, I don’t walk around, like, you know, like telling people like I’m a black woman, like, they can see that I’m a black woman. And there are also parts of my identity that they can’t see, right? However, if the conversation naturally comes up, and I feel like I am in a safe and open environment, and that moment, and the opportunity comes up for me to share, of course, I will, I will share. So I always would suggest just like gauging the relationship you have with the person is this an open and honest person is someone who you feel that you can open up to comfortably, right. So just like, there are so many different factors when it comes to sharing parts of your identity. And it really has to always come from a place of you’re feeling safe, you’re feeling comfortable, you’re feeling compelled to do it.
SW:
Okay, so our next question is, my siblings and I disagree about what’s expected of us in terms of caring for our parents, when the time comes, have any suggestions for navigating that?
MP:
In that situation, I think it would be great to even go through family therapy. And of course, as therapists I’m always going to suggest therapy and mindfulness, right. And, and there are things that mindfulness can’t can’t do, right? In the moment of disagreements between individuals and within a relationship within a family within a system. Just having someone who’s there as a neutral party to be a mediator, right? Can be so helpful. I’m having someone there who’s not of my family member who really has no, I guess, no, say, no, no stakes, and what happens or what happens within the family, but just wants to work with you for the betterment of those relationships. I think therapy will always be the answer. So family therapy, or maybe even starting out, you don’t have to have the entire family maybe starting out with two, three, or maybe the group with which the disagreement is that you know, like its highest, the conflict is at its highest. So yes, so family therapy would be my resource, and maybe even like family resolution solutions are also great options. So yeah, look into what’s available in your area regarding those.
CL:
And I agree with Melodie, I think therapy is always going to be helpful. You know, in cases where there’s siblings involved, it’s tough, it’s tough, you know, I saw my mom go through it, and there wasn’t always a consensus or an agreement. And sometimes that is the solution, you’re going to have to agree to disagree. But definitely therapy, whether one for the individual or if everybody’s willing to come on board. But just like Melody said, it’s an unbiased individual who’s there to problem solve, to help you come up with your solutions, where, you know, everybody feels happy and content, or at least come to some form of an agreement on caregiving. But I also think, you know, open communication, if possible, we all know sibling dynamics could be difficult and interesting. So it’s really being able to, to have that third party, or, you know, counselor therapist present to avoid that. And just communicate respectfully without trying to just be the one individual who makes you know, one all knows all. So Pati did you want to add anything?
PF:
I totally agree with you ladies. I you know, even myself, I have to, you know, understand, like, yes, when you have three other brothers and you know, and, and there’s nobody will come to an agreement, it is so nice to have that one person that’s sitting on the outside looking in and telling you, you know, like, and talking to you about it, and the support that a therapist would give you is, is really, really good. So, I agree with, you know, both these ladies, I think you know, when you get to that point when it’s not, it’s like kind of like splitting up the family, it’s good to go into like a family therapy and therapist and seeing it from their eyes, like, you know, and having them open it up and, you know, things that you could not say to you know, your siblings, you might be able to bring it to the table at that point. So, good question and good answer.
SW:
Okay, for our last question. We have: how can you compromise on these differences, but make sure you aren’t taking away from your own needs? Mm.
MP:
That’s a very good question. I, I want to say that really just going into the conversation, but also honoring your own needs, right? So if the conversation gets to a point where like, it’s not going either how you want it to go, or it’s not going well, or you’re feeling uncomfortable and unsafe, it’s okay to set a boundary there and say, Okay, we’re done talking about this, I no longer wish to talk about this. Right? So we’ve been talking to you all about, like setting boundaries, and, and all of that. So just keeping these things in mind, and really doing things that feel right. For you. We’ve been telling you that from day one, what feels right for you, how do you define this, right, we want your opinion, we want your thoughts. So this is going to, of course, differ individual to individual. However, again, we don’t want you to compromise your values, your norms, and who you are as an individual at all. The same way, we don’t want minority populations, or people from different cultures to compromise and their norms or their values, right? So really just coming from an understanding of knowing that, yes, we have cultural differences. However, we’re all just here trying to live karma harmoniously and have a happy life can be can be like, just like, you know, like a reminder, in a way, just remembering that, yes, we all have our differences. Of course, however we can get along, we can do things together. We don’t necessarily have to agree we’re not asking you to agree or do anything you’re uncomfortable with, right. And sometimes you might need to get uncomfortable in order to really talk about cultural differences and stuff like that. However, it shouldn’t be to a point where you feel like you’re compromising who you are at all right. And I brought up earlier, right, so let’s say for example, you hold a certain value, I said before, we’re not asking you to go to the complete opposite end of the spectrum, we’re asking you to maybe just move a little bit, just a little nudge, a little closer and closer to maybe just even neutrality, right? Being neutral. About not your own, not your own values, but other people’s values. Yes, you have your own values. And like we say, like, people are entitled to their opinions, people are also entitled to their values, they’re also entitled to their customs. They’re also entitled to their cultural norms, right? So if we can respect other people’s opinions, we should also be able to accept other people’s cultural diversity without necessarily feeling like it’s taking anything from us as an individual. I don’t know if you ladies would like to add anything.
CL:
Oh, thank you. So beautifully Melodie, I just want to read because Nicholas put in the chat, mindful compromise where all parties try to keep in mind, their reasons for the disagreeing opinions is probably a very useful thing to keep in mind, in that situation. So thank you for your wonderful comment, Nicholas.
MP:
Thank you, Nicholas. Yes. And that’s for the for the siblings situation. Yes. Yes, absolutely.
CL:
It’s difficult. And in that particular situation, and I think I agree, Maria, you don’t have to lose self to compromise. Right. And, you know, I can disclose a little bit. You know, in my mom’s case, with the siblings, there was there was some cut off there. You know, there still is my grandma’s no longer here, but there was a lot of controversy where those open communication were not possible for one reason or another. So unfortunately, there is not always a happy go lucky, everybody gets along sort of situation, but you do the best that you possibly can for that care recipient. And like you said malady as long as it is done with good intent and with that person’s best interest and that’s, you know, that’s what you hope for. Yeah.
MP:
Thank you Carolina, what about you, Pati? Anything you’d like to
PF:
know, I agree. With both of you Carolina I know, because we’re experiencing it now, even as I’ll disclose in our own family, there’s been cut offs because of this. So it’s very difficult when you have siblings that are not agreeing. And, you know, you look at the person that you’re taking care of. And that’s my, like, the main focus, right? Making sure that you’re taking care of yourself. You’re asking for help and support, but you take care, you’re making sure they’re safe, you know, so. Yeah. And
MP:
thank you, Pati. Thank you. i That was the last question and last answer. I want to thank everyone for joining us tonight. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I can’t say that enough. These these webinars wouldn’t be possible without your attendance without your participation. So thank you for attending. And of course, this will be available on the different brains website and different brains YouTube channel, so you’ll be able to revisit this you will be able to send it to friends who may be could not attend and really good use this information. But again, thank you for attending. And that will be it for us tonight.
SW:
Thank you to our amazing presenters and thank you everyone for attending. Be sure to come back and one week for the final installment of our series. And please visit differentbrains.org For more content and resources related to caregiving as well as many other topics. We will be sharing the links and contact information for everyone in the chat box and on the screen. From everyone here at Different Brains. Goodnight. Thank you again
